Old Schmidt Yells at Cloud: Mike Schmidt and Jonathan Papelbon Hate the New Pitch Clock

"Grumble." Photo Credit: David Manning-USA TODAY Sports
“Grumble.”
Photo Credit: David Manning-USA TODAY Sports

Dealing with the pace of play has been a huge issue for Major League Baseball. Bud Selig’s successor Rob Manfred takes over just as game times are expanding and pace of play rules are finally being experimented with. Though Manfred says the rules haven’t been put to use long enough to see if they actually work, it seems the batter’s box rule and the pitch clock are gaining traction. And nothing angers old-time ballplayers like something that smells even remotely new.

Mike Schmidt, of course, is not okay with the pitch clock. For one, he thinks it’s not worth implementing because the time it takes off the game is negligible. He also argues, fairly, that penalizing batters for stepping out of the batters box could mess with their routine and rhythm. That’s fine, but Schmidt loses me when he worries about the poor, poor sponsors and vendors:

“The other change won’t offer much time savings, but might anger some sponsors as fans will rush from the concession areas in order to not miss a pitch.”

I don’t think anyone, especially at Citizens Bank Park, is rushing out of lines to get back to their seats. But there’s another person who hates mostly everything these new rules– slow-ass pitcher Jonathan Papelbon. According to Paps, he was told the pace of play stuff was the “Jonathan Papelbon Rule,” since he always takes so long to stare down his opponents like a self-indulgent jackass. As always, though, Paps has his eye on the biggest prize:

“You can’t win an Academy Award for an hour and 10 minute movie.”

For what it’s worth, 1955’s “Marty” is the shortest Best Picture winner, with a runtime of 1 hour and 30 minutes. Last year’s baseball games averaged a runtime of about 3 hours and 10 minutes— about ten minutes shorter than “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King” and “Titanic.” So yeah, you can’t win an Academy Award for an hour and 10 minute movie. But just remember next time the Phillies are making a pitching change in the 7th inning, the boat hasn’t even sunk yet… at least in the movie.

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16 Responses

  1. It’s just an experiment! Yeah it is going into Double-A, Triple-A games but in the MLB games it is only being tested so after spring training Paps won’t to worry about it.

    Slow news day i guess.

  2. Here’s an idea: when the big piece of fucking monkey shit KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK machine steps to the plate, just send him back to the dugout.
    Fuck him his whore white wife and Rube.

  3. Finally some baseball talk. I knew I could count on Jim to bring home the bacon. Shit I’m so fuckin horny right now. Jim, you and me… Parx Casino parking garage…. 3pm…. Blue geo prism. …. No rubbers.

  4. Matt Stair BLOWS!!! If I hear his Canadian accent “ABOUT” one more time. Thanks for the Home Run Matt now go back a coach Hockey or something else. This is as bad as any Andy Bloom hiring.

  5. I don’t like the pitch clock either. I think one of the endearing things about baseball is the fact that it’s the only major sport without a timer. Then again, I don’t like instant replay or the designated hitter either, so I guess I’m old school when it comes to baseball.

    Then again, a pitch clock could make these painful Phillies games mercifully faster….

    1. …And it might stop Ryan Howard from stepping out of the box and spitting into his hands every every single effing pitch. Even when it’s raining, he insists on doing that. It drives me bat shit.

      Now, excuse me, I have to go make sure all of the canned goods in my kitchen are lined up according to size with the labels all facing the same way.

    2. the problem is the batters walking half way down the line and fixing their batting gloves after EVERY pitch.

      1. Yup…and they all have some quirk or idiosyncracy that slows things down. Raul Ibanez is a habitual batting glove adjuster at the plate.

        Baseball players are probably the most superstitious pro athletes out there, and these OCD rituals do slow things down.

        But, on the flip side, it is one of the things that makes baseball fun to watch….to see how each of these guys mentally prepare for each play.

        1. Good call on Ibanez. I remember how he used to readjust the velcro on his batting gloves after every pitch.

  6. What really takes time is the batters stepping out of the box to adjust their gloves between every pitch. Even after taking a pitch they do this. I makes me want to effing scream. If batters are penalized for this it’s going to be hilarious as most do it as part of habit obviously.

  7. Guy is so f’in ponderous. He thinks he is Mahatma Gandhi. I’m Mike and I’m the Grand Poohbah. Sorry to tell Mike that he did not invent baseball. He’s in the booth dissecting how a 5 year old in the stands is eating her Dippin Dots.

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