This Morning, Multiple Readers Are Reporting That This Is Indeed Chip Kelly’s Girlfriend

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If you ever wondered about Chip Kelly’s ability to get players to buy-in, wonder no more, my little friends, because Chip, 51 and slightly portly in a Barney Rubble sort of way*, apparently has enough persuasion skills to get Jill Cohen, of Oregon, to go all-in on the unofficial Chip of the NFL.

Since last night, multiple readers have come forward with information on Cohen, whom we’re learning is supposedly in a long-distance relationship with the best football coach on Earth (OK, maybe second best). Last year, the folks over at Broken Bell Philly provided some gossipy details that I’d take with a huge helping of salt. However, they were also given some pictures of Jill, presumably from Facebook, and yep, she’s my age:

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pic via BrokenBellPhilly.com

Per her LinkedIn page, Jill graduated from Oregon in 2004, which would make her roughly 32. Best part? She’s Oregon’s Assistant Director of Development and Donor Relations, which is sooooo delightfully cliché. Like if you asked Disney to create a princess for King Chip, Jill is what they would come up with. I can only assume that she’d also be a health enthusiast who sells organic smoothie powder on Etsy and weekends (v.) with Phil Knight’s wife on Cannon Beach, where every summer the pair organizes a Nike sponsored 10k to benefit women suffering from plantar fasciitis. Her best friend would be a wisecracking zebra. She’s the one, Chip! She’s the one!!! It ain’t get more perfect than this. Someone get Pixar on the phone!

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DuckAthleticFund.net
DuckAthleticFund.net

Like one of those eccentric billionaires who can’t be more than 10 miles from the ocean for extended periods of time, Chip can’t go a day without quacking to one of the many Ducks in his life. Ducks fly together. You’re goddamn right they do, Gordon Bombay!

duck

Never a better time to buy this shirt.

UPDATE: We’re reminded that Chip’s ex worked at… wait for it: Nike. From who else but Mark Saltveit:

On July 24, 2008, Kelly announced his engagement to Karen “Kobi” Biagini, a University of New Hampshire grad who works as a merchandiser for Nike to this day. Those plans seemed to fade away after he got the Oregon head coaching job, though nothing further was announced.

She’s also a New Hampshire grad with a degree in Kinesiology. God this dude stays in his lane.

*Credit to a commenter for that perfect comparison

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43 Responses

  1. Remember when Kyle said Nova was the 2nd best team in the country…now he’s proclaiming chip the 2nd best coach in the world. Yet he’s never won a gooddamn thing.

    1. yeah, you’re right…taking an NCAA team that was the college equivalent to Temple to a 40something and four record and to a National Championship game (losing to a paid QB from Auburn) is really not winning anything….

      1. Oh I’m sorry I must have missed your point, do they hand out National Championship trophies for coming in 2nd?

      2. Uhhh it wasn’t the college equivalent of Temple when Chip took over…Don’t know where you were. Oregon football had been pretty solid for quite some time, in a power Conference – and even had QBs taken in the top 10 twice since ’98. He stepped into a pretty solid situation.

  2. This site is so bad. Even the comments haven’t been as good lately. And they were the only reason people ever came to the site anyway.

  3. Thanks for the hat tip, Kyle. The pictures were sent directly to my email. As far as I’m aware they weren’t from Facebook but I could be wrong. The others in the pictures are obviously friends/family. Her father is a “big U of O” contributor according to my source. I sent you some further info.

  4. Aaaahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

  5. Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, your plantar fasciitis sufferers.

    Do we really need a benefit for chicks with sore feet?

  6. anyone else see that idiot asking Chip AGAIN about Mariota? Is it that hard to understand that Chip isnt going to do it? Even if he was thinking about it, hes not going to tell you. What kind of coach would say, “yeah, if he falls to #10, well go and trade for him”? Its called not tipping your hand you unbelievable dumbass Sal. I guess he doesnt realize that if Chip says hes gonna trade up than teams in that position are going to up their price significantly. Chip is crushing the media in this press conference. How he is answering the questions is how Ive felt all off season. He doesnt know what is gonna happen. Why? Bc its March 25! The season is 5 months away. Anything can happen in that time.

    1. Chip rally is just smacking these guys around at this presser, Bowen, Sal and TrollEskin especially.

      On another note, someone better give Chips hottie a heads up. She may become the new object of KS’s twitter desires since PlasticTitTrafficSlut is still in K.C.

      1. It is funny how the local media has turned on the guy just because he blows them off and drops no clues to his moves. People like Rube and Mike Miss complain that he isn’t more open. Why would he be more open? What would be the point of that?

        1. They all complain bc theyre all too dumb to think of something to discuss. So they make up stories about Mariota based on nothing Chip has said. They make the fans turn on the HC bc they wont answer his questions in the offseason about what players will play what position next season. Then when he does talk, they all say they dont believe what he is saying. Stop complaining he doesnt talk only to complain you dont believe what hes saying. Philly media is a joke.

          1. Coaches lie. Owners lie. General Managers lie.

            Maybe “lie” is a strong word. Obfuscate. Shovel shit. Whatever phrase you prefer.

            People like Cataldi and Missanelli whine that they don’t want these people to talk to them; they want them to talk to “the fans” through them. In MM’s words: “Your Sister”

            These two especially, but most of the rest of Philly media as well, get there ass up when they think they aren’t getting that one nugget of truth out of a river of bullshit that no one else is getting.

            Other than the entertainment value of hearing Chip smack Bowen; Sal; Eskin; et al down like little kids, I don;t give a shit what he has to say.

            I will watch the moves that are made, and make my judgements when the real games start. I do not need the “media” to form my opinions for me.

            There, make a fucking bad t-shirt out of that.

          2. Sports media is the same as the finance media on CNBC, Bloomberg, etc. They need something to talk about day to day to fill up the airwaves. How do they do that? With non-stop hype and hyberbole. Honestly, who cares if the market is up or down 200 points one day and who cares about day to day results? I’m all about the long-term trends and strategy. What the Eagles and Sixers are doing is awesome and exciting in my opinion, but it’s impossible for these idiots to write about because they have the foresight of a two-year old.

            That’s why I like coming to CrossingBroad. I get the pulse of the Philly sports scene, without all the drama and useless conjecturing of hack scribes that have no real knowledge of what they are trying to write about. I get a little bit (ok a lot) of the dirty, periodic check-in’s about the performance of the teams and some other random tid bits here and there.

      1. You missed my point. The point is all this Mariota talk is media driven. Chip hasnt expressed any interest in trading up for him. You assume he wants to bc the media, who have nothing to talk about, claim hes going to. The point is until anything happens, no one knows what hes gonna do. But the media, so desperate for stories and topics to talk about, will throw all types of shit against the wall to see if anything sticks. I turned on Harry and Ayton, whover that is, is to hear the reaction and all they could say was Chip was lying and that he wants Mariota. Its complete bullshit. Chip flat out said 5 times they werent going to trade up. But because these idiots in the media like Sal Pal have nothing to write or talk about, they make up what they think Chip is gonna do

  7. That Picture is a true romance for duck in you Quack quack Quack Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.

  8. It’s funny that you blocked the other peoples faces after having them visible for a few hours. And also removing the first few comments. Nice job Curt Schilling.

  9. Kyle,

    I have an idea. How about a Philly sports/media all-ego bracket? Sal Pal and Eskin would have to be #1 seeds, right? And Mikey Miss too.

  10. Yeah, right! That chubby little fuck is gayer than Freddie Mercury and Elton John tickling the ivories at the Blue Oyster Club! He paid that bitch from the escort service to sit with him!!! Ever see him with a girl before??? GGGAAAYYY!!!

  11. I love these douchebags commenting saying how terrible the site is, yet they’re on it….reading…..commenting. Chips is probably pulling more ass than you losers could dream of

    1. Yeah, but who wants male ass besides you and Chip? Tell us all how you think his dick tastes!

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