Lenny Dykstra and Mitch Williams are both going to be roasted at the Electric Factory on April 23 (tickets available now). And like any roast, Williams and Dykstra will be the butt of the jokes but will have an opportunity to do their own bit. Their individual bits will likely be all about the other guy, and they’ve already started.
First, Angelo Cataldi had Lenny Dykstra on the phone this morning. It went as expected.
Angelo Cataldi: Did you dislike [Mitch] when you were on the team with him?
Lenny Dykstra: The guy became a barrel finder and of course he was extending games … it was painful. But no, I like him. He tried hard. It’s not about like or dislike.
AC: A lot of people thought Fregosi made the wrong move putting Mitch in, what were you thinking?
LD: Well, I just looked in Toronto’s dugout and saw them all sprint to the bat rack.
After taking those (relatively soft) shots at Williams, Dykstra did what Dykstra does. When talking about a book he’s writing about his life, here’s what went down:
LD: Are their things I did that I’m not proud of? Yes. Did I ever break the law? No. What I did was catch some very powerful people breaking the law and … so bottom line is I had to make a decision on this book so I decided at the end of the day the American people deserve the real truth.
AC: How tough was prison?
LD: [Silence] AC: Oh, we cut Lenny off and now we have to re-get him? Cause Lenny used a word he wasn’t supposed to and we went to hit it and he must have thought we were on satellite radio. Lenny are you there?
LD: Yea, what happened?
AC: You used the “s” word.
LD: [Silence, but from the laughter in the room I assume they edited him saying “shit” again] AC: So you saw the world from a different perspective is that what this is about?
LD: [Silence] AC: Oh we lost him again. He repeated the “s” word so it blipped him out.
And then later on they had Mitch Williams on:
Mitch Williams: I only saw what [Lenny] had to say on twitter, and as I said in a previous conversation with you, [the roast] will be the first time I feel like a Harvard grad.
Angelo Cataldi: He said that he’s been wrongly accused, served time in jail and did not do anything illegal, and he said all you did when you pitched was find the barrel of the bat.
MW: I read where he said I was the barrel finder, and if he took the time to research my career stats, I walked more guys than I gave up hits to. I had trouble finding the plate much less the barrel.
AC: We’re worried about Lenny at the roast because he couldn’t even stop himself from using the “s” word for three minutes.
MW: Well, Lenny’s never been accused of being overwhelmed with common sense.
I’d like to imagine they’re saving their best stuff for that roast, and news of Dykstra’s “book” just spawned a bevy of new material.
Jeebus, this is like watching two idiot cousins fight at a family reunion, in a very passive-aggressive way. And like those distant idiot cousins you only see every few years, I could give a shit what these two dipwads are talking about. Go away “LD” and “MW”, and take that idiot Conklin with you please.
cataldi, the only reason i will listen to gargano and marks.
rhea and shirley and kenny and morganti and hollis and conklin and jonesy and…
Lenny is writing a book? Maybe he can collaborate with Ryan Howard and write a book about Little Rhino on roids. I’d love to see the, um, climax of that story.
They played some song that Conklin made for the roast this morning and it was so terrible I strongly considered driving my car off of 76 into the Schuylkill because I didn’t want to live in an area where people thought that kind of shit was remotely amusing.
Speaking of Harvard grads, how ’bout that usage of ‘their’? I didn’t know Jim went to Villanova as well. Clearly, you must’ve skipped stenography class for your private rusty trombone lesson with Kyle.
What’s wrong with the use of their??? There could be something wrong here. They’re not the grammar police! Their quotes were fine! Did I do good Jim?
which one should you use in LD quotes?
Their is going to be lots of fireworks at this roast. Right, Jim?
Fuck both of these assholes.
Lenny is just a jerk off. And “Mitchie-Poo” goes on profanity laced tirades at little league games. Tool.
Conklin may be the most unfunny “comic” there is…..all due respect to the unfunny schlock that is Big Daddy Graham. Conklin’s impressions are so old and tired that they are painful.
“Schlock?” That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my (so-called) comedy shit show. Thanks.
It would be awesome if one of them beat the other to death. Then the winner dies of a heart attack. What a glorious roast it would be….
I can’t stand listening to those live read commercials. Sorry to hear your grandmother passed away. She missed out golfing at Green Springs Country Club.
Oh Mrs. Crane, you monkey woman…
Fewer active brain cells left, Dykstra or Sean Brace?
Not really sure how an ununny hack like Joe Conklin has been able to parlay a career off of Cataldi and his awful show. Conklin is never funny and his impressions suck. Head scratcher
Can someone explain to me how Susie celek is qualified to be involved in the roast? Unless being an ugly, annoying whore is a qualification, in which case she’s over qualified.
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