The Phillies, your old grandpa who is just amazed at how they can fit that many photos into something smaller than a deck of cards, explained to a gaggle of captive and weirdly spellbound reporters yesterday or today (doesn’t matter) how the new metal detectors at CBP will, well, detect metal!
“Our practices before this were a full pat-down, where we had to check your pockets, jackets, pants, all the way down to your ankles. That was a five- or six-second process. This process, provided there’s no metal on your person, is a one-second process.
So if you go through a metal detector and it beeps and the alarm goes off, then there is a secondary screening with a hand wand on where the abnormality took place on the metal detector, where the fan may have some type of dense metal on their person. We want our fans to allow for a little bit of extra time, we’re not experts on metal detection just yet but what we hope is that throughout the 2015 season, if we educate our fans as much as possible and we train our staff properly, that in the future, delays will be minimal.
Metal detection technology is very quick… provided you don’t have any metal on you.”
Fascinating. Tell me more!
But for real, metal detection is very quick provided you don’t have any metal on you… or a belt… or a button… or jewelry… or braces… or a fake hip… or a watch… or if you’re not made of tin, lack a heart, and have two friends in search of a brain and courage, respectively. Of course, if you’re that last one, you might want to worry more about the green woman following you around on a broomstick than your queue time at baseball games.