As you, the lovely CB reader knows, the Sports Roast of frenemies Lenny Dykstra and Mitch Williams will be held at the Electric Factory next Thursday night (BUY TICKETS, DAMMIT!). As is the case with all roasts, it’s not just the guests of dishonor who are eligible to be fired upon– the roasters themselves will take shrapnel as well. So, a couple of weeks ago when I met with the Sports Roast brass (there’s a distinction…), they remarked how, for participants, the roast will almost be like stepping into the CB comments section.
A crack team – Electric Factory interns and Jim – will be going through old comment threads for particularly good one-liners for roasters to potentially use on Thursday. But, we figured we’d make it easy for you to get yours in– just comment with your roast one-liner, or if you prefer to do so on Twitter, use the hashtag #5WordSportsRoast (it can be longer in the comments). Potential targets? Joe Conklin (maybe he’ll do his Charles Barkley impression again– that’s some real cutting edge material), Al Morganti (every Batman needs a Robin…), Joe Matrese (I have no idea who this is), Rhea Hughes (wait, did I already use the Robin line for Al?), Leslie Gudel (now hawking spatulas on QVC!), Stu Bykofsky (is it the glasses that make him look like a pederast, or was he born that way?), Big Daddy Graham (one of only two guys over 30 who openly talks about hanging out at The Springfield… the other is Joe Conklin), Susie Celek (yeah, I wouldn’t change my name either), John Bolaris (help wanted: a drugged up meteorologist who shits his pants and can’t hold down a relationship), Dan Baker (literally Siri could do his job), Matt Cord (remember that time the Sixers opened his job up to the public?), and Tony Bruno (a bald guy who’s moving back in with his mom– we got a hot one, ladies!).
I can’t believe I’m going to encourage this, but comment after the jump. Be as mean as you want. And BUY TICKETS!!!