I JUST KNEW A DRAFT LOTTERY COULDN’T GO BY WITHOUT MALLORY EDENS, the daughter of Bucks owner something something Edens. Their team not in it? That’s cool– with the help of a creepy old writer, Edens has resurfaced, this time to come after said creepy old writer, who wrote a bunch of creepy old things on his blog.
Chris Sheridan, of Sheridan Hoops, somehow weaved Edens and wife of Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor, Becky, as a thread through his lottery piece. As you know, we’re big fans of Edens (and Dr. J looks like he might be, too) and think it should be written into league rules that she attend every lottery and sit in the front row. It seems Sheridan would co-sign that bill. And had he just stopped at lamenting her absence last night and commenting on her attractiveness – she’s 19 – things would’ve been just fine, even though the lefty weirdos taking over modern sports media would have you believe that it’s a mortal sin to comment on the looks of any particular female (even a female writer from the Washington Post wrote warm-blooded story about Edens last year) . But, unfortunately for Sheridan, he went way beyond appearances and ventured deep into the realm of the weird in describing Eden:
One year after Mallory Edens captivated us all at the NBA draft lottery, a new NBA rule deprived us of a close-up look at the trophy wife of Minnesota Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor.
Her name is Becky, she is fantastic looking, and she was supposed to have been onstage instead of the 74-year-old Mr. Taylor as the T-Wolves won the top pick in the 2015 NBA draft.
Unfortunately, the puritans at the NBA instituted a new “no family” rule for this year’s lottery, which also means we’ve seen the last of Nick Gilbert and his bow tie.
Yes, this is a shame. But the lottery is not about trophy wives or trophy daughters or even trophies — at least in the short term. It is about hope for the future, and the T-Wolves have a little more of that now with a young core that includes Rookie of the Year Andrew Wiggins, 2013 No. 1 overall pick Anthony Bennett (if he does not turn into LaRue Martin 2.0) and the Spaniard who is the Mallory Edens of young men, Ricky Rubio.
You can bash the Sixers all you want between now and then, but remember this: When it is all said and done, Hinkie is going to walk away from all this looking a lot better than young Ms. Edens or the older Mrs. Taylor.
In the long run, this will go down as just one of the years when Hinkie’s tanking strategy was accumulating dividends. They are going to be a beast for years and years to come, and the NBA will eventually change the lottery system to prevent another Hinkie from jobbing the system. But mark my words, the Sixers were the biggest long-term winners Tuesday night. And they didn’t even have to move up or down to come out on top.
Taylor has his trophy wife. Edens will one day be somebody’s trophy GF.
Hinkie? He’ll be the one with the stockpile of Larry O’Brien trophies. And his legacy will last longer than our memories of the comely Ms. Edens and the equally lovely Mrs. Taylor.
Let’s set the ground rules here:
OK: Comment on the hotness of an of-age person.
Not OK: Comment on the hotness of an of-age person, who happens to attend Princeton, and then compare her to the worldly possessions of rich men by referring to her as somebody’s “trophy GF” while giving us the weird visual of Hinkie’s head on her body. Gross.
Edens fired back about the latter one:
Point Edens. We’ll see if Sheridan returns serve… just as soon as he’s done making his way through Edens’ Instagram (@mallory_edens) account.