Mary Lee’s a great white shark, arguably the most feared and most misunderstood animal on the planet, and just after 8 a.m. Thursday morning, the electronic tag that’s been tracking her since 2012 “pinged” about 10 miles off the coast of Cape May County, between North Wildwood and Stone Harbor.
At 1:04 p.m., Mary Lee pinged again, this time about 12 miles off the coast a little further north, right on the border of Avalon and Sea Isle City.
It’s important to be level-headed about the realities of shark attacks and . . . da duh, da duh. . forget that. Mary Lee’s as big as a damn Volkswagen Beetle with a grill full of double-edged steak knives. It’s time to freak out. The experts agree
Sea Isle, I get. But Avalon? Avalon?! Doesn’t Avalon have some sort of agreement with mother nature to fend off anything even remotely unpleasant? Sharks aren’t allowed in Avalon. Neither are mosquitos, rain, or people whose last names don’t end in ington, field, worth or a minimum of three (III!) Roman numerals. Unless Mary Lee is just short for Mary Leefield Worthington IV, that bitch is gonna need to find a different beach on which to EAT SMALL CHILDREN. Anywhere near Seaside should be fine.
But seriously, you can follow Mary Lee here. Stay safe, friends.
I had a true struggle as to whether go “bum, bum” or “da duh, da duh.” I hear the B’s. In my head it’s always a B.