An Open Letter to Sam Hinkie

Original photo credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports
Original photo credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports


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Dear Sam,

It’s time. No, I mean it is really time. I have bought into “The Plan , but now it is time to move forward. You are kind of new here, so I want to give you a little history lesson.  I was ending my junior year in High School in the Spring and Summer of 1983. I remember that not because I look fondly back upon high school, but instead because it was the last time that Your OUR Sixers won the NBA championship.  Can you imagine? I don’t think you can.

So let me tell you about some of the things that have happened since Dr. J and Moses Malone went “fo, fi, fo” and ascended to the highest platform in the NBA:

Four mayors of Philadelphia have yet to be in office during a Sixers’ victory parade:  Wilson Goode,  Ed Rendell,  John F. Street, and Michael Nutter. One of Those Mayors became an Eagles commentator (to be honest, not really sure WHY?).

We have had five presidents that have not had the pleasure of the Sixers visiting the White House after a victory: Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama.  Five presidents…FIVE!!!! C’mon Sam.

We have seen the following inventions:  debit cards, iPods , EZPass, microwaveable popcorn , flat screen Tv’s, Big Bertha Golf Clubs,  YouTube , GPS and the iPhone. This has allowed us to listen to our favorite music as we drive over the bridge to buy a new flat screen after busting our last one with a golf club after a another horrible season all the whole being directed by the GPS on our Iphones. Then coming home and reliving it all on Youtube and eating our popcorn. Ohhh techniology!

We have also seen the following Sixers first round picks: Charles Smith, Kenny Payne, Shawn Bradley, Larry Hughes, and Thaddeus Young. I will be kind and not point out all the players we didn’t pick instead. After all, we don’t really know each other.

Sam, I am certain you are a nice guy. I am sure you have a plan. I really am. I am just saying I am tired. I am getting old. I have waited long enough. It’s time.  Please.



Pastor BlueJeans

P.S. And about the Mascot?


[pvc_paratheme ]

3 Responses

  1. This is absolutely horrible. Extremely poor writing skills, and if you were a junior in high school in 1983, we’ll assume you were 17, that makes you 44-46 depending on your birthday. Get a life dude.

  2. 1983 was also two owners ago and has zero to do with Hinkie or his plan or how long it takes. Just an idea, stop living and dying with teams.

  3. I don’t care about your shitty life. I’ll take my time and tank at least one more year. Maybe I’ll do 2 years in hopes you’ll die before we win a title again. But thanks for the useless letter reminding me of things I could care less about. I’ll put it in the special stack I leave next to the toilet so I can wipe my ass with it and flush it.

    Sam Hinkie

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