Communist Food Critic Hates New England Backyard Dog at CBP
#fuckedupthumb being shy
Damn you, Inquirer food critic Chuck Darrow! If not for this equilibrium of local online media powers, I would ruin you! I’m mad about M.A.D., I tell you!
Chuck Darrow, of the Inquirer or Philly.com or whatever they’re calling themselves for now until they potentially strike at the end of the month, reviewed the new ballpark eats at CBP. I stopped after reading his blasphemous first paragraph:
New England Dog
Quite phrankly, this abomination – which plops baked beans, cheddar cheese and bacon bits atop the dog – should have stayed in Havahd Yahd.
Yes, baked beans go with hot dogs like a smartphone and a selfie, but by having them on the dog, these uninteresting-tasting legumes served only to create an unpleasantly mushy mess.
To add insult to injury, Aramark, the industrial-strength provider of most ballpark edibles, promised before the season that this combo would be served on a New England-style bun (an extra-thick piece of toast). But mine was on a standard potato-bread hot dog roll. (The server confirmed that all are presented thusly.) Booooo!!
GAWWWWWWWWWWWUTDAFUCK.
Don’t believe one word written here by Darrow. Not one. He’s wrong. He lies and hates you. The New England Backyard Dog is an absolute marvel of culinary engineering and should be enjoyed at least once per inning for three consecutive innings or until you poop your pants. It’s a slice of Americana and anyone who doesn’t like it is probably plotting against the homeland this very minute. My review.
…
OK, I lied. I kept reading, and Darrow, too, loves the South Philly Dog, which is now a close second to the NEBYD. Words:
South Philly Dog
Technically, this concoction has been around for a number of years. New this season, sweet red peppers have replaced the original long hots, and a standard hot-dog bun fills in for the seeded roll.
The individual ingredients – roasted reds, broccoli rabe and sharp provolone – complement both the dog and each other. The cheese, especially, makes a nice cradle on which the other flavors are bedded.
The adorable and trusty SPD, you just can’t hate it!
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The rest of Karl Chuck’s CBP food manifesto here.
