Larry Brown Is An Idiot!

Photo credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports
Photo credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Larry Brown, the half-assed Yoda of basketball, is doubling down on his campaign for Allen Iverson to join the Sixers front office.

Mike Sielski spoke to Brown last week, and that’s when the former Sixers coach offered up his belief that AI just belongs with the Sixers or something similarly stupid:

Through the team’s part-owner David Blitzer and Iverson’s longtime manager Gary Moore, Brown has spent months lobbying the 76ers to hire Iverson as an assistant general manager. It would be a terrible move, treating an NBA franchise as if it were a halfway house where Iverson could put the broken pieces of his life together again. But Brown has pushed it anyway, in the hope of accomplishing an improbable goal: saving Iverson from himself.

“I just wish there was some way that he could be involved,” Brown said in a telephone interview Friday. “Just teach him about the organization and let him figure it out, figure out how he can help. He can certainly judge talent. He certainly has people’s respect. Kids will listen to anything he said. He’s certainly bright as hell.

“Just teach him how to be involved with the NBA, whatever level you want, but I think ultimately I’d like to see him get into management. I think he’d be a huge asset.”

“What did he mean to Philly?” Brown said. “What does this franchise need more than anything right now, besides players? It needs a shot in the arm, something where you can say, ‘They’re trying to do it the right way.’ “

Nein, nein, nein!

This… this is everything that’s wrong with the sort of old-timey, insular thinking that’s plagued sports, and particularly Philly teams, for so long. It’s why Chip Kelly and Sam Hinkie are breaths of fresh air. Just about everything Brown said reeks of counter-productivity.

Just teach him about the organization and let him figure it out. I love AI as much as the next guy, but this isn’t charity. Further, do we really think Iverson, who’s never spent a day in his life in a corporate setting, would just assimilate into Hinkie’s spreadsheet-heavy meetings? To be clear: this isn’t an intellect thing (I think Iverson is a smart guy), but he doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would be stimulated in an office setting, unless that office was TGI Fridays and included half-price apps.

But I think ultimately I’d like to see him get into management. The Flyers are on line 1. They’ve set up a conference line with Bobby Clarke, Bobby Clarke again, Paul Holmgren, and Ron Hextall. Kimmo Timonen would also like to join the call. Can Kimmo join the call?

What does this franchise need more than anything right now, besides players? It needs a shot in the arm, something where you can say, ‘They’re trying to do it the right way.’ NO. Just because Brown doesn’t believe the Sixers are doing things the right way doesn’t mean the Sixers aren’t doing things the right way. They are doing things the right way– pragmatically, methodically, with no short cuts. Is Allen Iverson, the basketball ops guy, going to sell tickets? No, of course not. He can do that in the quasi-mascot role he’s already in (he’ll be at jersey unveiling on Thursday). Make him the Sixers Bernie Parent– he can get on the payroll, show up to events, get drunk, say sexist shit, grab some titties, wave his cap and give the people a thrill. No more.

Come on, Larry. Back into exile you go.

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15 Responses

  1. They should hire me at the assistant general manager at a Cinnabon. I eat there A LOT.

  2. I thought they already had assistant GM in Sean Brace..That is why I didn’t hire him at WIP.I mean who can compete with that.My son says Sean is the ultimate professional on Youtube and posts videos around the same time.My kid is also 9 yrs old and still believes in Santa and Tooth Fairy.Brace better get out there soon his unemployment check is running out

  3. He means A.I., as in artificial intelligence, as in computers, as in he’s old as fuck and that’s what he calls those things. That must be it.

    Because ain’t no Allen Iverson showing up to work on time to be taught shit. Ain’t no Allen Iverson staying 8 hours a day. Ain’t no Allen Iverson showing up to work not smelling like weed and booze. He a bad motherfucka and ain’t no bad mothafucka listenin to no white boy nerd every damn day!

  4. Don’t laugh. Anyone can be taught wrestling. He would be a huge attraction. They would just have to match him up in his weight class. He can earn $500,000 a year. It ‘s not the same money he use to earn but he could live comfortably.

    1. I’m laughing because now I’m picturing AI’s wrestling persona. And it’s wonderful.

  5. Dude is going to need the job, i saw that his ex wife is getting most of the Reebok trust fund. He was dumb enough to sign some post nuptial thing that said if he gambled, drank, stayed out past midnight, and cheated that she would get the money. This is true, you can look it up.

    1. F him i’m sure theyre are plenty of ni**as out there more deserving than that piece of trash AI – wish he never wore a sixer uniform, that scrub.

  6. The Sixers hire AI, the first meeting with management;

    AI: “Yo, Yo, listen. We got to get some of the ” And One” team, even the white boys can ball! Then we get them trampoline dudes, they got mad hops!

    The room is silent, everyone except AI has their head explode. AI is now President of the Sixers.

    1. Those trampoline dudes might be looking pretty good this February when Embiid is hobbling around in a cast up to his hips.

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