Flyers

Least Surprising News in History: Kimmo Timonen Will Soon Be Part of the Organization

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jun 23rd, 2015 · 1:28 PM EDT

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John Clark sat down for a one-on-one interview with Flyers surrogate Stanley Cup champion Kimmo Timonen, who was sent to Chicago to experience the figurative embrace of a younger, curvier woman this spring. For the Flyers, it’s not real sex, but it’s the next best thing.

Kimmo, to his credit, still considers himself a part of the organization– he even once referred to the Flyers as “we.” But he doesn’t have an official role yet and told GM Ron Hextall that the team is just going to have to wait until the time is right for him to return:

“We actually had a meeting [Monday] morning, and Ron knows,” Timonen said. “He played this game a long time, and he knows that it’s going to take time. This is the first time I’m off, I have no plans and I can finally see my family.

“Right now the feeling is I need time. If there’s a job I can do for the Flyers, I will do it, but it probably has to wait.”

I can only assume the Flyers are eager to get Kimmo back in some capacity, because I’m sure whatever leftover Cup DNA remains in his beard will be studied and analyzed by front office execs like scientists pouring over a newly-discovered dinosaur egg. If we shine a warm light on it, Ron, do you think it’ll grow into a three-foot silver chalice that we can carry around above our heads? Probably not.