Open Letter to Philly Sports Fans: It's Time to Tell Sam Hinkie to Call Tyrone!
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Dear Fellow Philadelphia Sports Fans,
When did we become the “over 35, seeking a husband” woman of sports fans? I would say “old maid,” but that is an antiquated term. I guess a new term could be thirsty for a ring. Either way, you know the type, right? The woman, who probably is a good catch, but is so dead set on finding “marriage material” that she doesn’t see the obvious red flags in her current relationship. For example, ol’ Billy hasn’t had a steady job in his life, but when you point that out to her, she offers excuses with sayings like, “he’s waiting for the right opportunity,” or “they fire him because his bosses are jealous of him.” Maybe ol’ Billy still lives at home at the age of 40. She’ll say “he’s there to take care of his mom. She’s old.” When you know it’s because he is too irresponsible and too lazy to live on his own, and he didn’t move back in with mom; he never moved out! Or, how about the ones that have a live-in boyfriend for ten years and keep buying his “we’re not ready yet” line. She never sees the flaws. Compound this with most of her closest friends, in our case Boston, New York, and Pittsburgh, have received rings recently. The thirst for a ring causes her usually sensible brain to go bonkers. That’s us Philadelphia Sports Fans. WE ARE THAT WOMAN!
Why are we so thirsty for a ring that we fail to see the obvious flaws in two of our professional sports teams’ strategy to produce a winner? As a matter of fact, we lash out at those that point out the flaws and we call them “Hinkie Haters,” or “Chip Haters.” Both the Eagles and the Sixers are marching to their own drums. The nation is glued to watching these two teams like novices are to NASCAR crashes: just to see the potential devastation. Yet, we confuse that blood lust with envy.
Let’s start with the Sixers and the perpetual tank that is called the “Hinkie Plan.” It’s kind of illogical to think you can build a winning culture by losing, isn’t it? I hear the argument that you need multiple first round picks to either hit on a franchise player or to build a really skilled team. Already, one of the four first round picks (MCW) has been traded, which essentially, reset the clock on the plan. I am confused on how you can truly grade a point guard when he passing guys that should be playing in pick up games at Gustine Lake. And wouldn’t you know, he looked better playing with a better group of guys.
One of those four guys (Embiid) is battling a foot injury sustained prior to the draft (along with a broken back), missed the entire year, and he has suffered a recent “set back.” It was reported that his foot isn’t healing as fast as it should. What does that even mean? Anyway, we have a bit of history with foot/leg injuries in this city. Andrew Toney, Todd MacCulloch, and Jeff Ruland come to mind. Big men with foot injuries have a deep history in the NBA. Bill Walton, and Yao Ming had them end their careers prematurely. Oh, did I forget that he hasn’t played in an NBA game yet and is not slated to play in the near future? Despite that, fans haven’t sounded the alarm yet and still mention Embiid’s name as a starting player on this team. The Thirst for A Ring is strong, dude.
Another first round draft pick (Saric) is still playing in Turkey and averaging 9 points a game. He only scored three more points than I did in his last game. Did I mention that he is under contract with his team? He signed a three-year contract with this team LAST JUNE! Sounds like he is really serious about playing in the NBA. His Turkish team paid a $1.2 million transfer fee to get him. They’ll most likely want more to get him out of his contract and NBA teams can only pay just north of $600,000 to buy out a player’s contract. Now, it is more likely that he won’t even want to come to Philadelphia for TWO MORE YEARS! Despite all of that, fans see it as a forgone conclusion that he’ll on the team in October.
The only first round pick that is on the court (Noel) had a good rookie year, but he far from a franchise player. He is a component to a championship contending team. He needs help. Big help. Like call Sam, Fiona, Jessie and Michael, Burn Notice-type help.
By my count, that’s an o-fer for franchise players that can deliver a championship to Philadelphia. When fans defend this plan, all I hear is one of my woman friends saying “…once you look past the no job, no car, no ambition, you’ll see Billy is actually great guy.” The thirst for the ring is serious! The Sixers first round pick on Thursday could be an indication on the direction of the team. Will they pull themselves out of the tank and put a ready for the NBA player on the court, or will there be another project player drafted?
What happened to the fan base that would demand more from its teams? Has our thirst for a ring taken our teeth? Sam Hinkie has moved in. In two years, he is eating all of our food, consumed all of our good alcohol, put his feet on our couch, and when we come home from work, he’s still sitting on the couch, playing Call of Duty on XBOX Live! What do we have to show for it? Thirty-seven wins in two seasons? To put that in perspective, that SUCKS. What have we become? Philly fans, when will we wake up and tell Sam Hinkie he better call Tyrone? As Erykah said, “…but you can’t use my phone.”
A Sixers Fan that Has Unplugged from the Hinkie Matrix
PS: Same goes for Chip Kelly, but I’ll get to him later…