Sam Bradford Wows During Iron Lung Drill at OTAs

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Philadelphia, PA – Eagles teammates were buzzing at the completion of OTAs today, as all anyone wanted to talk about was the new Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford and his performance at the NovaCare Complex.

Described as being in “mid-season” form, Bradford reportedly spent most of the day encased in an iron lung, struggling to survive and violently gasping for breath, surrounded by team physicians and a priest who were monitoring the frail 27-year-old athlete.

“He was fabulous today. He almost opened his eyes once around 2 p.m., it was a sight to behold. The doctors say he’s much farther along right now than where he was last year,” second-year wide receiver Jordan Matthews said. “If he can regain the ability to breathe on his own by the start of the season, we may have a chance.”

By far the highlight of the day came when Bradford squeezed the hand of team trainer Chris Peduzzi twice – once to indicate an answer of yes and twice to indicate no – when Bradford he was asked if he wished to be taken off life support.

“He’s got fight in him, I’ll give him that. With these encouraging signs I think we can move his therapy ahead by a few weeks. We might even have him up to solid foods in a year or so, god willing,” Peduzzi said. “We figured we’d give him the opportunity to pass with some dignity if it was what he wanted, but we’re happy he opted out of it. We did, however, ask his parents to not forget about signing those blood donor cards as soon as possible.”

As of press time, an ashen-faced priest could be seen walking out of Bradford’s room, clutching a rosary in both hands, and loudly cursing God.

Bradford is expected to be the Eagles’ starting quarterback this season. If he survives.

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5 Responses

  1. this is pretty funny. I loved the life support bit. Probably could have been a tad shorter as I think it peaked there.

  2. Were Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow asked to leave the room after several attempts to pull the plug on the iron lung?

  3. Rumors are Chip Kelly is trying to use this positive publicity around how well the Iron Lung is performing to trade it straight up for Marcus Mariotta

  4. I hope no one tells Chip Kelly the Iron Lung is actually black or he will trade it.

  5. That’s racist, but Lesean McCoy would agree with you. Chip Kelly gets rid of all the best black iron lungs on his teams.

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