Desean Jaccson’s Reality Show Is Positively RIDICULOUS

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So I watched the abomination that is the obviously scripted and staged DeSean Jaccson: Home Team, which debuted on BET today last night. Here’s a brief recap:

Things started off with news footage from when DeSean was released by the Eagles. The setup is obvious: Once on top, not on top, working to be on top again, but will face obstacles that can only be overcome by the guiding hand of his fame-seeking mother, Gayle.

We haven’t seen this formula before.

The framing is clearly built atop a deep hurt resulting from DeSean’s release from the Eagles. These are just some of the things he had to say with regard to that matter:

“It was a smear campaign.”

“They call me Giant killer, Cowboy killer. Now I’m an Eagle killer, too”

“I felt they definitely tried to paint a picture that wasn’t true.”

“It’s like, bro, the Eagles, they tried to blow me up– that’s how cold they did me.”

So one would assume that the following 20 minutes would consist of video evidence that DeSean is not the character he’s perceived to be, and that he’s doing all the right things to reverse the existing perception. That seems like an obvious conclusion given the early appearance of his longtime publicist, Denise, whom DeSean says is doing a “great job.”* But nope. Denise’s client is now the star of a show which features consecutive segments about his rap aspirations, partying habits, and the conundrum he faces after knocking up his girlfriend of “five or six months.” There’s no mention in the first episode of the OTAs he skipped for the second year in a row.

*This despite the fact that her client has been publicly cast as a gangster who’s not a team player and cares more about his rap career and fame than football, something that is not at all being helped by his new reality show. Yeah, she’s doing yeoman’s work.

I mean, what, on Earth, was DeSean’s camp thinking here? The questionable character traits apparent in just the span of a few minutes are staggering. They have nothing to do with him being a gangster and everything to do with him being a selfish jerk. Evidence:

– They show DeSean awkwardly kissing and professing his love for Kayla – whom he met through one of his jewelers, and of whom his family, his Home Team, supposedly doesn’t know about yet even though she gets the lead storyline in the first episode of his reality show, about his family(!!!) – and then we soon learn that he asks seemingly every female he comes across for their Twitter and Instagram handles so he can hit them up or retweet them. DeSean explains that he doesn’t know what it is, but the girls just love him. “I call myself a ladies man,” he boasts. This all seems like the basis for a great relationship and stable upbringing for Baby Jaccpot.

– Despite his mom’s best efforts to dismiss the troublesome gangbanger image – she makes sure to stress his friends aren’t in a gang when their pants are worn like those of gangsters (her assertion) – we find DeSean and his buddies standing outside the club, yelling at cops who were driving by and appeared to be doing nothing more than observing what was obviously a scene, what with the BET cameras and all. “Haters! Bye, bye!” DeSean yells at them in what was perhaps a rehearsal for yet another Ballers cameo.

– The show is about change, yet when the subject is brought up to DeSean: “I ain’t gonna change for nobody– the NFL, no coach, no owner.” Noted.

– The visuals are horrific. “You know what the downfall of every great athlete is? Alcohol. Money. And women,” Gayle declares. So here’s a shot of DeSean drinking and smoking with women:

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There’s something to be said for an organic portrayal of a player who sticks guns, but in a show about rehabbing DeSean’s image, ostensibly, the images should’ve gotten his publicist fired, yesterday. Here’s DeSean doing all the things we don’t want him to do. Brilliant.

This borders so close to self-parody it almost feels like something that wound up on the cutting room floor of Ballers, or, when DeSean’s mom declares that “there’s gonna be a situation” if someone doesn’t do the dishes, like a script from Jersey Shore inadvertently got mixed in with the shot sheets for DeSean’s show, every scene of which feels painfully staged. At least Keeping Up With The Kardashians gives you the impression that they’re having real conversations with each other. More ridiculous than the themes in Home Team is the bad acting.

Episode 2 portends to focus on the situation DeSean will be in when he has to tell his mother about Kayla’s pregnancy, a revelation to which we know Gayle responds, “[DeSean] got somebody knocked up that we don’t know anything about.” All that and more next week on Home Team, the ill-conceived reality show about an NFL wide receiver with an image problem.

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33 Responses

  1. Is that a picture of his mom on the right hand side, or his cross-dressing gay uncle? Damn she fugly.

    And fuck him and this bullshit show.

    1. I was really hoping someone else noticed how ugly that thing is. Done in the first post, thank you very much.

  2. Desean is an ass but there was definitely a smear campaign. Go back and look at the BS that house boy Eskin was running out there. How many times did the phrase “there’s another shoe to drop” get uttered by the talking heads in town? Not to mention, Chip could have just come out and said, it was a football decision and had nothing to do with the other unsubstantiated nonsense.

    1. Chip did come out and say that 3 days after the release of Desean. He said it was a football decision and the NFLPA even concluded it was a football decision. Chip said he likes bigger and taller receivers.

  3. nothing more to say than he just a fucking idiot…loved him when he was an eagle, but still knew he was an absolutely fucking idiot

    there really is no other way to say it and you expressed how much of an absolute moron he is, but god damn he’s an idiot

  4. 1yard is a one-trick pony; As soon as he can’t run a 4.3, he’s out of the league. Next big concussion, and he’s out of the league. So as disgusting as this show is, I’m sure, somebody in his gang was smart enough to start the ‘after football’ revenue streams now so he can continue to waste all that money and put it back into the economy – which is really the only good to ever come from any large athlete contracts. I mean, somebody has to buy flashy cars and thousand-dollar bottles of liquor! And sadly, yes, there will be a very large contingent of ignorant teenagers (and those adults who still think like teenagers) – of all races – to glamorize this attrocity.

    1. Scoring touchdowns in the NFL is a pretty good one-trick to have.

      And every player in the NFL is one big concussion away from being out of the league.

      1. Agreed, his top level speed makes that happen, but it isn’t going to stick around for good, and he’s not a Steve Smith-type who can change his game to extend his career. And ‘Big’ concussion probably not the best descriptive word there – his history with concussions keeps him from contact. Once he can’t go over the top, he’s out of the league.

        1. That’s actually fairly impressive considering he played with three different QBs, all of whom sucked.

        2. great, great recap Kyle. They had video proof that all of the things we heard thought and heard about him were dead on. And they were stupid enough to lay it all out there for everyone to see. Couldn’t believe they showed him slug gin’ champagne straight from the bottle, yep, I want him representing my 1.2 billion dollar franchise. I was against the Eagles releasing him, but after watching this….. I have no doubt they knew what they were doing…….#jacc-ass!

      2. DeSean had 38 TDs in 102 career regular season games. Maclin had 36 TDs in 75 career regular season games. Jackson’s trick obviously isn’t scoring.

  5. I’d like to thank BET for doing their part to break down the hurtful sterotypes that fuel so many of the troubles that plague this great country of ours. You da bomb, as all the kids say.

  6. Hello Jim Adiar.

    Would love to have you on the Tony and Josh show on WIP.
    Can you give me a call and I can set it up.

    Thanks,

    Miss Robin
    Producer – TONY BRUNO and Josh Innes Show

  7. Desean is and always will be a punk, trash talking jack ass with some cash. He will definitely be one of those guys you read about, not too long from now, who hits rock bottom and has no cash left, because he is dumb m effer. Simple as that. He can catch a ball, yay. Doesn’t have any smarts at all.

    1. ” He will definitely be one of those guys you read about, not too long from now, who hits rock bottom and has no cash left, because he is dumb m effer.”

      I thought this was Allen Iverson.

      1. Well played on the reference. 10 years from now, I will have more cash than Jackson and I am a crowbar

  8. Kyle? You actually got this one right. I mean I was praying to God you wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot pole and not give Jaccpot the attention he doesn’t deserve. But I gotta give it to you, you did this well.

  9. This felt like parody but in no way was it. Start with trashing the Eagles for painting you as a stereotype who won’t change. Then provide video evidence that you are indeed that stereotype who proclaims he’ll never change for anyone.

  10. “Everyone needs to look within. Use second-level thinking lil’ skippies. Don’t be bigots”
    “Remember when I lost a bet and had to wear a ‘brutha suit’ ? I understand the plight of the black man/athlete”
    “I’m a man of the people”

  11. Poignant, and insightful television programming dealing with the plight of the grossly over-paid black athlete in a white man’s world…And Love my boy Mikey Miss, always got the brutha’s back…

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