Honor “The Man” with This Timeless T-Shirt

Voila_Capture 2015-08-21_01-36-10_PM
Voila_Capture 2015-08-21_01-35-52_PM

I might be the biggest idiot around for not making a shirt like this before he was traded. But our designer hit it out of the park with this one. Pure perfection. I apologize to your wallet. Honor The Man with this timeless classic. 10 years from now, you’ll be wearing it while painting your bedroom and your little kid – now in grade school – will ask you to tell him or her stories about The Man. The’ll say, “Who’s The Man?” and then you’ll spend the next 26 minutes talking their ear off about his greatness, catching yourself and stopping just short of the World Fucking Champions speech.

Shirt is printed on high-quality Tultex poly blend. It’s super soft and ever-so-slightly modern-fitting. It is available in heather red and heather blue, and in form-fitting junior sizes, for the ladies.* We accept all major credit cards and, yep, PayPal.

Get one

Note: The hat issue in the original artwork has been fixed. All orders will ship with the corrected version.

*Women’s sizes run small.

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  • Big Al August 21, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Is he holding a bucket? It looks like he’s holding a bucket.

    • Kyle Scott August 21, 2015 at 11:29 am

      Used the wrong artwork on the image. The slight hat issue and mark on the face is being updated momentarily. It will ship with the correct version.

      • Big Al August 21, 2015 at 11:31 am

        Gotcha. Thanks.

        • Kyle Scott August 21, 2015 at 1:42 pm

          It’s been fixed. All orders will ship with current version.

          • John Wesley Hardin August 21, 2015 at 2:45 pm

            WHAT orders??? Hahahaha!!!

      • What the... August 21, 2015 at 1:49 pm

        Is his left hand pulling his thang? Doing a Papelbon?

    • John Wesley Hardin August 21, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      He’s holding Kyle’s F A G purse!

    • Coach Kelly August 21, 2015 at 1:42 pm

      Do these shirts come in white?

  • WOW August 21, 2015 at 11:15 am



    • No kidding August 21, 2015 at 12:10 pm

      Looks more like The Dude than The Man with that squirrel-pouch cheek.

  • brotein August 21, 2015 at 11:20 am

    is that a kettle weight he’s holding?

    • P Diddy August 21, 2015 at 12:05 pm


  • Is this guy serious? August 21, 2015 at 11:20 am

    Holy hell…what a hot steaming pile of shit that thing is!

    You cant be serious and think this thing is a homerun…the hat!! really with he hat!

  • Fire Your Designer August 21, 2015 at 11:21 am

    In the original picture, he’s holding the brim of the cap. Perspective is all wrong. This image is all sorts of fucked up.

  • Jessica Boyington's Bleached BHole August 21, 2015 at 11:23 am

    It’s Friday, so I’m betting that’s the last post of the week unless there is some catastrophic event in the Philadelphia sports world.

  • Benny blanco August 21, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Whatever is in his hand looks nothing like a hat

  • Bob Ross August 21, 2015 at 11:31 am

    Is that a hat in his hand? Or a bucket? or…

    Oh look, make some happy trees

    • Can't stand when females call sports radio August 21, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      Either way you are getting no pussy in the bar rocking that shirt

      • I bang can't stand when females call sports radios mom August 22, 2015 at 4:02 am

        Actually the smell of yo mommas kunt on my fingaz while rockin dis here shirt says otherwise

    • Bill Alexander August 21, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      You ripped me off, Ross.

  • Copyright Infringment August 21, 2015 at 11:32 am

    Kyle, isn’t it f*cking great making money off of other people’s hard work? Why used licensed images when you can just slap a “likeness” on a shitty t-shirt? Why write your own article when you can just cut and paste from Deadspin?

    You are no better than the lowlifes selling knock-off t-shirts outside of a concert.

    • Kyle's Keyboard Muscles August 21, 2015 at 11:35 am

      You’re awfully cheerful today!

      • Walter Sobchak August 21, 2015 at 12:13 pm

        I’m calmer than you are.

    • you sound.... August 21, 2015 at 11:52 am

      like a joy to be around.

    • No, he's worse August 21, 2015 at 12:07 pm

      At least they have to get out there and hustle instead of sitting in their underwear at a computer in their mom’s basement.

    • Stan Musial August 21, 2015 at 1:24 pm

      Excuse me, I’m the Man.

      • Hard-on for Chasey August 21, 2015 at 2:12 pm

        Sorry, Stanley. You only played 22 years for one team, hit .331 lifetime, 475 homers, 128 WAR, 24 times All-Star, 3 times MVP. And never once dropped the F-bomb in a public speaking setting. Nice try, though.

  • #fail August 21, 2015 at 11:33 am

    I guess Chase is signaling to the other players that the kettle chips are ready.

    • Hard-on for Chasey August 21, 2015 at 4:09 pm

      “Chase doesn’t say much, but when it’s time for snacks, he leads by his actions.”

  • Rhea loves cigarettes August 21, 2015 at 11:41 am

    This piece of crap is up there with the Ottawa police T shirts.

    I will personally blow smoke in anyone’s face that I see wearing this rag.

    • Hi... August 21, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      …my last name is “Smokeinanyone’sfacethatIseewearingthisrag.” looking forward to meeting you Rhea

  • Paul Jolovitz Fan Club President August 21, 2015 at 11:42 am

    “Honor” the man by giving Kyle money.

    What a douche.

    • Gabe Asher August 21, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      Don’t you have a freakshow, tranny who causes fatal car accidents to publicly defend, Paul, you fucking cumguzzler?

      • Paul Jolovitz Fan Club President August 21, 2015 at 12:18 pm

        Ms. Jenner’s sex has zero to do with a possible crime.

        • Reggie Dunlop August 21, 2015 at 12:54 pm

          Does Bruce Jenner being a woman make Kris Jenner a dyke?

          • Breeze August 21, 2015 at 1:47 pm

            I heard the whole reason for the sex change is because legally they can’t prosecute Kris Jenner for anything Bruce did.

  • JAG August 21, 2015 at 11:43 am

    Where is the name on the back of the jersey?

    • Guesty McGuest August 21, 2015 at 11:52 am

      He can’t put Utley’s name on it because then he’s got copyright infringement issues.

    • Dead Air Dave August 21, 2015 at 11:56 am

      Just pretend he plays for the Yankees. Or he’s serving kettle chips at Yankee Stadium.

      Now shut the fuck up and give Kyle money. Don’t mind the fact that Utley’s face looks like he has a giant port wine birthmark and the hat is all backwards.

  • the ebb and phlo August 21, 2015 at 11:45 am

    love the concept and overall design/ tagline. hat needs fixing and was addressed, otherwise im into it. id buy one if i didnt already have way too much phils gear.
    happy weekend philly.

    • Dead Air Dave August 21, 2015 at 11:57 am

      Hi, Jim!

      • Kyle Scott (comment author) August 21, 2015 at 12:08 pm


  • Guesty McGuest August 21, 2015 at 11:54 am


  • Da fuck is he holding August 21, 2015 at 11:58 am

    What in the hell

  • Dallas Sucks TO Blows Shirt Guy August 21, 2015 at 12:03 pm


  • GOOOOOOOOOOOOO August 21, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    Buzz, your gf….

  • William Rhodes August 21, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    Is that a purse he’s carrying? European handbag for men?

  • Which comes 1st August 21, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    1. Comments go off
    2. Thread gets deleted
    3. POS shirt idea gets aborted

    • GOO August 21, 2015 at 12:21 pm

      2. We get an updated post with new picture soon…

      at least thats what should happen

  • Jimmy from Boston August 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Why is Utley holding a faceless Wayne Simmons head inside of his hockey helmet?

    • Jimmy from Boston August 21, 2015 at 12:29 pm

      Simmonds. That was auto correct but my mistake is still not as bad as this shirt.

  • Kyle Scott is a Holocaust denier August 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    “I may be the biggest idiot around”

    You can stop right there Kyle.

  • Dead Air Dave August 21, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Why is there a map of Portugal on the side of Utley’s face in white?

    • Comment of the Year August 21, 2015 at 1:44 pm


  • John Wesley Hardin August 21, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    Your designer sucks and so do all of your over priced rags!

    • Jimmy from Boston August 21, 2015 at 12:31 pm

      Agreed. The designer for all of the CB shirts must have an online college graphic design degree.

  • Observer August 21, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    I await the Amaro shirt.

  • John Wesley Hardin August 21, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Also, your designer should be locked up for
    Plagiarism! Harry Kalas coined that phrase!

    • Kane Kalas August 21, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Don’t worry, Kyle Broslovski will be hearing from our family’s lawyer.

  • Senile Citizens Park August 21, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    Can’t wait for the Amaro shirt

  • Bollywood Hulk Hogan August 21, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    Nobody wants your shitty, overpriced t-shirts, brother. Stop insulting all the Hulkamaniacs out there.

  • ... August 21, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    Looks like some sort of ogre wearing an Utley jersey while clutching a kettle.

  • Josh Innes' Pissed In Pants August 21, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    The comments on this post are some of the best I’ve seen here in ages. Kyle, please create some more poorly designed crappy tee-shirts. This made my day.

  • Kyle's camel toe August 21, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Kyle tries to line his pockets stealing from Utley, Kalas, the Phillies, and a ribeye steak clutching a WWII canteen, all in one shitty shirt.

    Fucking amazing how low this turd will go.

    • Jillian Mole's Tit Freckles August 21, 2015 at 1:47 pm

      LMAO @ “ribeye steak”. That was funnier than “map of Portugal”. I just peed in my office chair.

  • Kevin August 21, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    I find myself starring off into the distance at work any time the song Kashmir comes on. I’m clearly not as strong as I thought I was

  • Tommy Gunn August 21, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    Does the man have AIDS? Are those skin legions?

    RIP Chase. Deny until you die brotha!

  • Jimmy from Boston August 21, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    the hat is fixed…but what about his face & arms? I’ll keep my money until that’s fixed.

    • Reggie Noble August 22, 2015 at 12:29 pm

      If you actually buy this shit if he fixes it, you are a bigger fucking moron than I ever thought possible

  • $8 Shipping August 21, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    Overpriced POS shirt plus ridiculous shipping costs? Blow me. I’ll stick with online clothing from normal places where shipping is free or $2.50.

    • FedExFred August 21, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      I work in shipping. A single shirt costs about $3 to ship standard ground.

  • Cecily's small tits before she got big ones August 21, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    Yea, this crappy shirt is “timeless” as in, “the time to develop it was three days ago”.

    Buy it now so you can be “dateless”, “sexless” and “respectless”.

  • Pedroia's Better August 21, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    You realize Utley’s overrated, right?

    • Jealous? August 21, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Shut up dick.

    • Reggie Noble August 22, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      Compared to Pedroia?

      Pedroia career: .299/.365/.443, 115 HR
      Utley career: .282/.366/.482, 233 HR

      Pedroia 44.4 Career WAR
      Utley 61.6 Career WAR

      Even defensively:
      Pedroia 12.9 dWAR
      Utley 17.1 dWAR

      Pedroia has a chance to be better when its all said and done, but seems to be struggling to say healthy (or interested in a BAD team) anymore. The Sox made an emotional and bad deal extending an overachieving midget an offer like he’s a stud.

      If you want to troll, shoulda went down the “Utley will be happier playing for his hometown team” route.

      Drops mic…………………………….

  • Budweiser August 22, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Where can I see a pic of the “kettle bell ribeye” shirt? Need a good laugh.

  • Kyle Laskowski August 24, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    “A part of me wishes there was only one grainy, barely distinguishable image. This way it would command the fantastical lore befitting The Man‘s legacy.”

    But, F that right? Let me turn it into a gimmicky tshirt! Give me money!

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