Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

I’m going to a wedding in the middle of God-knows-where Pennsylvania the Saturday the Pope is in town. I wasn’t worried about congestion or anything like that until I read that 76 East will shutdown from 476 through the city. 476! This thing will have tentacles.

We’re all doomed.

Jason Nark put together an excellent piece for the Daily News today explaining what’s known thus far about security and logistics measures… and what’s unknown:

G. Keith Still, professor of crowd science at Manchester Metropolitan University in England and a consultant for the royal wedding, said engaging the media, giving a timeline of when information will be released and providing information off the record often prevents needless speculation.

“It all comes down to working with the media, then you get the positive side rather than what I’m seeing now in Philadelphia, which is ‘What the hell is going on?’ ” Still said. “It should never be a position where the media are trying to speculate.”

Some officials have said the lack of information is because the Secret Service has yet to finalize its security plans, which may not be released until just weeks before the papal visit.

“The danger is that not putting information out gets people uncertain,” Still said. “They can’t plan, they get frustrated and you end up fighting fires you started in the first place.”

Farley agreed, but said he has faith in this city and its people.

“There’s a very old theory of aggression, which says that often aggression can be produced by frustration,” he said. “But people also tend to kind of roll with the punches. Everybody should view this as an opportunity to toot our own horn and tout Philadelphia. He’s coming to Philly. We can do it. This town is full of so many smart people.”

That last quote sounds like it belongs in a South Park episode where Sheila Broflovski gives a rousing and impromptu speech about fighting off giant flesh-eating church officials. We can do, it people! The Pope may have God, but we have spirit… and, Lorde?

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But the biggest #PopeProblem may have to do with the Eagles-Jets game, scheduled for 1 p.m., exactly three hours before the Pope takes the stage on, where else, the godforsaken Parkway, where Philly feels compelled (by the power of Christ?) to hold every major event. Nark:

The Eagles are my religion and there is a game scheduled the same day as the papal mass. Will they cut into the game with his pope guy?

A Fox 29 spokeswoman said that the station’s plan is to air both events in their entirety and stream the papal mass live on their website. The spokeswoman said the station is still planning for what to do if the game runs into the Mass.

Farrell, of the World Meeting of Families, said: “The Philadelphia Eagles play at 1 p.m. The papal mass is 4 p.m. NFL games, on average, are three hours. God works in mysterious ways. We rest our case.”

Erhmmm. Does someone want to tell the Catholic guy that any real football fan knows NFL games don’t last just three hours and typically cut well into the 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. time slots? Just ask Morley Safer. There is NO WAY the Eagles-Jets game is over at 4 p.m. sharp, which means, if the Pope grabs the mic on time, all us millennials might learn real fast what the Heidi Game was all about.

*I love the way the World Meeting of Families’ website describes The Parkway: “Benjamin Franklin Parkway is Philadelphia’s Champs Elysees — or its Pennsylvania Avenue. While there is no Arc de Triomphe or White House, there are such fine buildings as the Philadelphia Museum of Art, the Rodin Museum, the Barnes Foundation, the Franklin Institute, the Cathedral of SS. Peter and Paul, and City Hall.” It’s not D.C. or Paris… but it’s, something.