After Five Years in the Association, Evan Turner Finally Did Something to Make Himself Seem Likable (Almost)

God bless Evan Turner.

He doesn’t seem like a particularly bright bulb, and his NBA career is a China-sized disappointment, but yesterday, he did something so ridiculously endearing that if it were anyone else, you would’ve thought they were joking when they posted a genuine defense of the Phillies bat boy on Instagram.

When big, dumb Jonathan Papelbon went on his big, dumb rant the other night about no one caring about winning in Philly, the team’s bat boy took some rhetorical shrapnel: “From the front office all the way down to the bat boy.” Papelbon was using an expression (probably) and likely didn’t mean to criticize the damn bat boy, but that didn’t stop Turner – the sort of guy who sleeps with a lantern next to his bed because his coach once told him he needed to “burn the midnight oil” – from leaping to the defense of Tucker Colton, who also serves as a Sixers ball boy:

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Sending a s/o to my boy @tuckcolt today, heard he’s getting a little criticism out there on broad street lol this kid was one of the best ball boys I been around in philly and his charisma and energy was always special to see. He even got the players Christmas cards!!! Much love to the mixtape king #TMGOD

Meep meep.

via Mass Live


33 Responses

  1. Gerald from Horsham: ….Oh wow so you got a couple of picks right, Mike.
    Mike Miss: Bro, I just read the line, bro. I just read the line. I give you my honest opinion.
    GfH: But Mike-
    MM: Bro, you need second level thinking. If I…I mean I went 3-0 with underdogs last weekend. 3-0. And I give these picks FOR FREE.
    GfH: Yea Mike-
    MM: It’s simple, bro. You can take the information, bro, or you can leave it. But my record speaks for itself, you know.
    GfH: Alright-
    MM: Ok, bro. So, bro. You want a general knowledge question, bro?
    GfH: Sure.
    MM: Ok, bro. This comes from the general knowledge category, bro. Bro, name 1 African-American actor to win the Best Actor award at the Oscars.
    GfH: 1 black actor?
    MM: African-American actor to win the Best Actor award at the Oscars.
    GfH: I can’t think of any black-
    MM: African-American.
    GfH: Actors to win. I don’t think Will Smith ever won. Ummm….I don’t know, Mike.
    MM: Come on, bro.
    Martinez: Unbelievable.
    MM: The options, bro. Denzel, Jamie Foxx, Forrest Whitaker. Sidney Poitier. Come on, bro.
    Martinez: Wow.
    MM: How doesn’t he guess Denzel?
    Martinez: Denzel was in Flight. That was a movie..
    MM: You know that one, Martinez?
    Martinez: Of course!
    MM: Carl from Vorhees, you’re on 97.5 The Fanatic, what’s going on Carl?
    CfV: Hey, Mike. Thanks for taking my call. I wanted to talk about the secondary. Why are they giving up all those yards? How hard is it to cover someone….

    1. I don’t know why but the last few lines always crack me up with the exchange between MM and Martinez. Keep up the good work GKWC

    2. these comments are hilarious Kyle should be paying u.

      on a serious note: how do people listen to mikes show? it’s horrible. his ratings suck more than Bob after the Eagles game lets out.

    3. This bit is better than anything that Kyle or Jim have come up with. I’d say you should get a column in The Crosswalk, but that idea was another failure.

    4. Constructive criticism: Mike definitely uses “bro” a lot, but you’re using it too much to the point of overkill. I’d scale back a couple “bros” per post. Just my $.02.

      1. Fair point, but the best bit of parody (in my view) is play up a specific thing about someone to cartoonish proportions. So that’s what I do with the “bro” stuff. Obviously Mike doesn’t say it all the time, but he says it enough that it’s definitely an identifiable trait.

  2. I don’t think he required ET to come his defense. For Christ’s sake, the bally boy appears to be 25! Isn’t their a max age of when you stop playing Halloween by dressing up a player and chasing after the equipment of grown men?!?!

  3. I bought an LC home last year. Not only did the entire building collapse whilst I was sleeping. But when the LC sales rep came to check out the damage, he ended up banging my wife with no rubbers and came inside her.

    1. and then I met the black guy that spends his shitty paycheck on clothes on Ashley Madison. I’m having a great week. Thanks L C Homes

  4. Kyle, don’t censor us. LC homes should have known about this comment section before sponsoring it. This free speech platform that you created needs to be protected at all costs!!! Regardless of what people are saying about them, their name is still getting out. They should be happy that people are talking about them.

      1. I’ve got homes…..(I’ve got homes)……in different area codes, area codes, codes….Homes, homes, homes…in different area codes, area codes.

        Yo yo ….we be that LC
        Not that Kelce..
        Who be wearing dat same shirt all day…shit ain’t okay
        Ugh…yea we be renting to a bunch of Jims
        While all his neighbors be wearing timbs
        We got nothing here to debate
        Except how much may be section eight..hit the chorus ughhh

        I’ve got homes, (I’ve got homes) …in different area codes, area codes, codes….Homes, homes, homes…in different area codes..area codes

  5. Keep your wife AND PETS away from the house when an LC Rep stops by,

    My little Baxter will never walk straight again.

  6. – WARNING –

    Josh Innes just left. We have no food available. Please stop in about an hour.

  7. I worked at Ashley Shaffer BMW for 5 years. They taught me everything I know about sales. I have ZERO regrets, and if a few wives get banged along the way, then so be it…. that’s just the kind of fun and games we have here at LC Homes. wooo.

  8. Every time that I turn on WIP, Chip Kelly seems to be having a press conference with the media. Why does this guy speak every day when they don’t have a game that particular day? He gives a press conference after the game, the next day and daily thereafter. Fucking silly. How many times/days can you talk about one game?

    1. He has 4 availability periods.

      Post-game, day after, and 2 mid week spots. Since they played MNF, the days all ran together. Generally, it’s Sunday afternoon (post game), Monday afternoon (day after dissection), Wednesday morning (for mid week color), Thursday afternoon (for game previews) . Also, you are a terrible person.

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