I’ve had a (almost) full night to sleep on it and, you know what, I feel better. There is very little to be concerned about. Still, I’d stay DF away from sports talk radio today, because the knuckleheads – mostly callers, I mean – who can’t see the goddamn
forrest branches through the trees are going to be freaking out over this one.
Here’s the deal: there’s very little to worry about. The Eagles pummeled the Falcons in the second half. That up-tempo, culture-y stamina was too much for Atlanta to handle. The Eagles had too much speed, too much talent, and were too deep for the Falcons to even think about stopping them on a consistent basis. And the defense stepped up and made several big plays, and got a HUGE three-and-out (even if the Falcons had completely abandoned the pass by that point). Losing sucks, don’t get me wrong, and in the NFL you get very few mulligans, but Week 1 is always about the “whatta we got?” factor more than the “did we win?” factor. The Eagles got a lot.
If there’s one thing to be genuinely concerned about, it’s Cody Parkey. HE MISSED THAT KICK IN A DOME! Look at him holding his head here– that’s a man who hears voices shouting – SHOUTING! – at him. Coooooooooooooody, you misssssssssssed it, Coooooooooooody! They’re gooooooooing to hate yoooooooou, Coooooooooooody! The whole city hates yooooooooooou, Cooooooooooody! You’re not goooooooooooood enough, Coooooooooooooody! Laces ooooooooout, Cooooooooooooody!
The last guy that happened to got a sex change and wound up at Shady Acres Mental Hospital in Tampa.
Your gun is digging into my hip
That might the Eagles’ biggest problem right now– their kicker’s looking for a place to stash Captain Winky.
The rest is all good. The numbers the Eagles put up – mostly in the second half – were obscene:
- Bradford: 36 for 52, 336 yards, 1 TD and 2 INTs (one of which wasn’t his fault, at all)
- Jordan Matthews: 10 receptions for 102 yards
- Darren Sproles: 7 receptions for 76 yards, 5 carries for 50 yards
The overall rushing numbers were hurt by some big losses, but the three-headed monster of DeMarco Murray, Ryan Mathews and Darren Sproles looked positively unstoppable once they got going, and just look at all these receiver weapons:
Hell, they sent me SURGING into the money in most of the CB Draft Kings contests [more on that later]:
Nothing to worry about.
To the Droppings!
[give it a second to load– a lot here]
The Eagles are going on the Kiiiiiiiiiiiikoooooooo Power Play
… not in their first quarter with a new team. The sample size is too small for this to be just random luck. I can’t wait to see what he does over the course of a 16-game season.
But, his dumb potential is off the charts. You can’t Truck Stick everyone, Hoss. “Tackles” like this, which seemingly aim to concuss the ballcarrier instead of bring him down, aren’t going to cut it:
Coleman got an extra seven yards on that play (they were negated by a penalty).
Kiko has a lot of juice, but he’ll need to squeeze some of the pulp out, otherwise he’s Super-Talented Football Zac Rinaldo. Still, the flow:
Somewhere, Evan Mathis is smiling… and probably negotiating against himself at the urging of his idiot agent.
WHAT ON EARTH? Like they’ve never seen a stunt before. Pocket was softer than one in a pair of mesh gym shorts. They got better as the game went on and the Falcons wore down – and you have to attribute some of their struggles to the Falcons being amped up and the crowd noise – but they didn’t look good early. AND WHAT IS ALLEN BARBRE DOING HERE?
Gross. [Barbre made up for it by pushing Ryan Mathews in at the goal line in the fourth quarter, though.]
I wanted to write a few sections to ease myself into this, because otherwise I would’ve been tempted to…
… ah dammit.
Maxwell got absolutely torched last night, and it doesn’t help that the best he could do was laugh it off:
What he have? A FUCKING LOT BECAUSE YOU MADE LIKE A LAMP POST AND GOT LIT UP.
Julio Jones is a great receiver and does this to a lot of corners, but it’s noooooota, noooooota, nnammmmmmdi, nooooooota good sign for the big high-priced cornerback when he gets beat this badly in his first game. I honestly feel more Cary Williams than Nnamdi with him (even though people on Twitter disagree). Williams was the guy with a heightened profile thanks to being on a Super Bowl team. I think the Eagles paid the “Seahawks Premium” for Maxwell.
New contributor and Chip Kelly expert Mark Saltveit wrote this last night, but completely agree: Malcolm Jenkins needs more time on jugs.
He dropped both of these (!!!):
Still, he gets a pass (well, not the one from Matt Ryan…). He otherwise played well and made the big tackle in the late third down situation.
Big pick out of him. He looked great in the preseason, has great reviews from training camp, and played decent last night. Ducks unite!
Can we talk about Chip’s miniature S-8 sheet? What the hell happened to it? Can he even read what’s on it? It’s the iPad Mini of playcall sheets. The all-new, thinner, lighter S-8 Mini. Still an S-8, but now more portable and harder for cameras to pick up. It still gets all-day tempo offense. It’s our best S-8 yet.
Apparently, the S-8 Mini had some trouble powering up…
This fucking guy.
I could seriously watch Kelce block like this all day long. He’s the key to their running game. He gets out so far ahead of the play on run and screen plays it’s ridiculous. Look at this:
Great view of it here:
— Duke Manyweather (@BigDuke50) September 15, 2015
These are all from the third quarter!
Third quarter drive
Speaking of, that long drive was stupid. The Falcons wouldn’t have stopped the Eagles had it been a million yard drive. It’s like the Eagles were taking penalties just so they could pad their fantasy stats* and further wear out the Falcons’ D. I’m not kidding– I’m 70% convinced they’re so good that their strategy might have been to take five-yard penalties here and there so they could really gas the defense. It’s like the Eagles’ version of the Cowboys getting four timeouts or Phillies pitchers needing four outs because their fielding is so terrible. 120-yard drives. I like it.
*Much needed for those of us who had both Sam Bradford and Jordan Matthews and went apoplectic when the Eagles didn’t challenge that obvious touchdown and instead gave the ball to Ryan Mathews on the next play… whom I also had. This is why I’m your blogger of choice.
And of course, not all of their stats were perfect.
Les is not more
Thanks, Les, for your valuable contribution to our collective enjoyment of this game.
He concerned me in the first half and only wound up with nine rushing yards (thanks to some losses) and 11 receiving yards. But, those two touchdowns:
He asserted himself in the second half and looked like the star player that he is. That’s the thing with studs– keep going to the well and you’ll find sumptin’ to drink.
Side note: 9 rushing yards, 11 receiving yards, 12 total touches and 2 touchdowns. WEIRDEST FANTASY LINE EVER.
The draw play
New rule: If you can’t see the yellow line on your TV and it’s third and long, a draw play shouldn’t work:
This is a backbreaker. It was a great playcall, but this simply can’t happen. It’s not like it took amazing feats of athleticism to pull off either. I’m not even sure Dan Quinn thought this would get a first down– he may have just been trying to get his punter some room. But nope! Space all day.
And yes, that does look like an inverted penis.
He’s a kicker
Negative man points here to Cedric Thornton:
Did anyone notice the Eagles ran different versions of the same play four straight times during their march down field in the fourth quarter– running back wheeling out, Matthews curling in the middle:
The Falcons were getting Madden’d by Chip. It makes it that much harder to swallow…
The decision to kick
I think you go for it here. I’m not second-guessing either. It’s a long kick, with a shaken – and now potentially crazy – kicker. There’s still time to get the ball back. You have the best running game in the league. The offense is moving. It just made sense. And Chip screwed himself twice: He didn’t go for it and he rushed said headcase kicker to kick one of the biggest kicks of his life.
Small playcard for small balls. Sorry, Chip. I bet if you break out the ol’ percentages, going for it probably would’ve been real close to kicking here in terms of success. And his decision is making me agree with Skip Bayless, WHICH I DON’T LIKE VERY MUCH:
Haha! But the Cowboys might need to bring in another wide receiver, AMIRITE?!
Oh stop it
Big game next week.