Ohhhh, do Werth next! Do Werth next! is what I said to myself this morning when we learned that some members of the testicle-less Washington Nationals backed noted dickhead Jonathan Papelbon in his decision to choke noted d-bag Bryce Harper. The Nationals have, officially, imploded, and that means there’s plenty of shit to strew about in a festive and joyous fashion.

Do Werth next! Do Werth next!

In a truly excellent article by Barry Svrluga of the Washington Post, we learn just how bad things are in the nation’s capital, where, delightfully, Papelbon bought a $2.9 million house just days before basically guaranteeing he doesn’t return to the team next year.

Here’s the very best part:

A crucial homestand began with a listless, 10-3 loss to last-place Milwaukee. On that Saturday morning, Werth arrived at the ballpark and looked at the lineup card posted on a bulletin board that hangs on the wall just outside the main clubhouse. Clint Robinson was penciled into left field, where Werth plays. Rendon was penciled into the leadoff spot, where Werth had been hitting. Werth’s name wasn’t on it.

Throughout the season, when everyday players are going to get a day off, the manager typically finds a way to get the message to a player the night before. The player, then, can do with that information whatever he wants — get in a more rigorous weight-lifting session that night, arrive at the ballpark a little later the next day, whatever. More importantly, a player with a day off can mentally decompress and, for once, relax.

According to individuals with direct knowledge of the situation, Werth hadn’t received such a message from Williams. This wasn’t the first time, and Werth wasn’t the first veteran to experience what players considered an oversight once, an egregious error beyond that.

What might have been a minor blip in a successful season became a boiling point. Incensed, Werth ripped the lineup card off the wall, bellowing that it was going to change. Then, according to several people who were present, he confronted Williams — not just about whether he would play that day, but about what most of the clubhouse considered to be a chronic lack of communication with his players. Among the most jarring barbs, from Werth to Williams: “When exactly do you think you lost this team?”

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I am genuinely proud of the fact that my years of observing true dickheaded-ness has finally paid off with this series of epic meltdowns confirming my accusations. It’s just a bonus that both happened during a Nationals’ stretch collapse.

Of course, it gets even better.

It turns out, Nationals owners – the Lerner family, whom Werth, upon his departure from Philly, said were going to “take the steps needed to build this franchise” – are cheap and refused to go over $164 million in payroll this year even though that is well short of MLB’s luxury tax:

So Rizzo’s mind was made up: Closer. He couldn’t add money in the middle of the season, an edict of ownership. The Lerner family approved the sixth-highest payroll in the game, some $164 million, but wouldn’t spend more for a playoff push. Rizzo thus began talks with the rebuilding Philadelphia Phillies about Jonathan Papelbon.

And:

To that point, other than Bryce Harper, Escobar had been the Nationals’ most consistent hitter. But inside the Washington clubhouse, the Clippard trade still resonated, a point further emphasized because the Nationals would be competing against their old teammate in a pennant race. Several Nationals couldn’t rectify the idea that the club had traded away Clippard, a reliable eighth-inning pitcher, in part because he was going to make $8.3 million in his final year of arbitration. These players, speaking on the condition of anonymity, believed the financial part of that decision didn’t marry well with the seven-year, $210-million contract given to Scherzer. Now here came Papelbon, who would be guaranteed $11 million for 2016.

So Rizzo brought in Papelbon, whose presence as closer irked some in the clubhouse as he would be replacing team-favorite Drew Storen, and thus their incredible downward spiral began. It concluded with Papelbon choking Harper in the dugout. Delicious! More, more! I want more!

Great piece on the Nationals’ collapse.