Don Mattingly has cable. But he should switch to DirectTV, because when the Dodgers fire him on Monday, he’ll probably want the best picture and sound to enjoy a theater quality experience with all his downtime.

Mattingly is a vagine. One without a spine. You want to know when the Dodgers lost their series to the Mets? When Mattingly inexplicably didn’t start Chase Utley in Game 3 against Matt Harvey, whom Utley was 6-for-18 with a home run in his career. Utley got one at-bat – in the ninth inning last night – after his brutal takeout slide of Ruben Tejada got him and the Dodgers so far inside the Mets’ heads that David Wright requested a lobotomy with his next acupuncture sesh. The Mets were so concerned with Utley and whether or not to hit him, that Harvey may have exploded on the mound in Game 3 because of all the pressure. Citi Field would’ve collapsed upon itself had Chase taken Harvey to Utley’s Corner. It would’ve been a finishing move… in Game 3. There would’ve been no bouncing back from that. No Game 5. Just three-consecutive Dodgers wins. But no. No, Mattingly did a solid for his Joe Torre overlord and sat Utley in New York– for two full games! He relegated one of the most clutch* players of a generation, who was so fired up that he couldn’t even blink…

… to the bench in favor of Howie Kendrick, whose OPS was a full 50 points lower than Utley’s since the All-Star break. Mind-boggling. I’m with Meathead Rob Lowe. Fire Mattingly. Fire him now. Gutless lady part.

*Yeah I know the SABR heads don’t believe clutch is a thing, but I can’t hear them over the sound of Utley’s five home runs against the Yankees in 2009.