Bird Droppings: I Told You We Put It In Too Early

Not even Clark W. Griswold could salvage this mess. Not all the Jello mold in the world could help you digest that steaming, dry, dead carcass Chip Kelly served you yesterday. We put it in too early. After watching two preseason drives. We put it in too early. We expected a Super Bowl. And when you count on the playoffs as part of your fan experience, well, what the Eagles have done just plain…

Sucks.

Thank you, Russ. We put it in too early… and the Birds came out stale, dry, and wretched. But at least they’re undeniably dead.

I don’t have the time nor the inclination to recap this utter shit other than to say that that was easily the most piss-poor, saddest excuse for professional football this city has ever seen. The Eagles gave up, again. They lack talent. Some of that is due to injury and circumstance. Some of that is on Chip Kelly and Howie Roseman. They lack effort. Some of that is on the coach. Some of it is on hapless millionaires DeMarco Murray and Byron Maxwell, who set the tone and play with about as much heart as a pile of dead leaves. They don’t execute, and the team is encased in stubbornness the likes of which this league has never seen. All of that is on Chip Kelly and Billy Davis. The tackling sucks. The linebackers suck. The defensive backs always have an excuse. The offensive line has no pride. DeMarco Murray is gutless. DeMarco Murray plays like he doesn’t want to get hurt. So does Byron Maxwell. Where is Darren Sproles? Are DeMarco Murray and Miles Austin Jerry Jones plants, sent here to destroy the Eagles from the inside-out (I actually entertained this idea for a good 10 minutes yesterday watching Murray stumble on his first two runs and Austin actively move away from a pass thrown in his direction)? Riley Cooper blows, and he’s a racist. Mark Sanchez is ridiculously bad. Sam Bradford is so dumb that he wore a beanie in a fucking dome. Why doesn’t Kenjon Barner play? Why does Chip Kelly delegate the running game’s personnel decisions to Duce Staley? Why doesn’t Chip Kelly have more than six plays in his playbook? How fucking stupid does Billy Davis have to be to put a rookie on the most physically dominant receiver in football, with the ENTIRETY OF THE NATION AND PROBABLY THE PRESIDENT WATCHING ON THANKSGIVING DAY, thus killing his confidence? How does that idiotic fuck Lane Johnson get a penalty on the first drive of the game and put the Eagles out of field goal range, which is really only 42 yards to begin with? Are we sure Kiko Alonso didn’t sneak out of the hospital he belongs in? Why does Dennis Kelly look like a lesbian? Why does he turn his back on pass rushers? Why do defensive backs give 12 yards cushion on second and short? Why do they have a defensive awareness rating of six? WHY IS THIS TEAM ON MY SCREEN? WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS THROWING SCREEN PASSES WHEN THE SCREEN PASSES DON’T WORK?! WHY IS DEMARCO MURRAY A MOTHERFUCKER?!?!?!?! WHY DO THE EAGLES SUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!

I can’t even. Here’s some Tweets and shit:

https://twitter.com/Mike_Cerm/status/669935098624626688

https://twitter.com/NatetheBRD/status/669937584580239360

I’ll let Reuben Frank have the final word:

I’m hesitant to single out one guy after a loss like this, but it is just impossible to watch DeMarco Murray play football (more on Murray here). This franchise has such a proud history of running backs. Just in the last 20 years, we’ve seen Ricky Watters, Duce Staley, Correll Buckhalter, Brian Westbrook and LeSean McCoy come through Philly and run the ball with the hard-nosed mentality of a defensive player. I don’t know how Murray led the NFL in rushing last year. I guess that monstrous offensive line had a lot to do with it. But Murray just doesn’t even compete out there. He plays football like he doesn’t want to be playing football. Murray had another brutal performance Thursday, carrying 14 times for 30 yards for 2.1 yards per carry. I saw some life out of Kenjon Barner, who ran seven times for 30 yards late in the game. It’s time to sit Murray down and let him watch. I don’t care how much money he’s making. Enough.

Enough.

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29 Responses

  1. Is that Jillian tweet legit? I believe the Phillies have a higher winning percentage than the Eagles and Sixers in 2015, but can they really have a better percentage than the Flyers? That’s not just this season but the 2015 games of last season?

    That’s fucking ridiculous.

  2. As pathetic as the Eagles are this year, I still slept great last night knowing the Cowboys are even worse and their precious little QB is once again broken.

      1. Of course we have a loser mentality. This city has 4 teams in the gutter with little hope in sight. So of course we have to now change to rooting against teams we hate, it’s all that’s left.

    1. The Cowboys are worse, which means that they’ll get a better draft pick which they’ll use to pick Trevone Boykin who will be the second coming of Russel Wilson. In the mean time we’ll get stuck with Chip Kelly using our first round pick on a rock with a face drawn on it.

  3. Whoa boy.

    Let us remember that Kyle guaranteed Mariota was coming here.

    Kyle tracked DeMarco’s plane as if he it contained a donated kidney the president needed to live.

    Kyle claimed Kiko Alonso was gonna be a fan favorite.

    Kyle fretted over having to blog a “Super Bowl winning run” with a newborn at home.

    Kyle claimed the Eagles had the best running game in football.

    Kyle claimed the Eagles had the best run defense in football.

    Kyle hired a jackass who wrote two…TWO…books about what a genius Chip Kelly is to write bullshit Chip Kelly propaganda for this site.

    Kyle knows nothing.

    1. The only people who expected a Super Bowl were kool aid drinking losers such as Kylie and BRIANDAWKINS#20. There were plenty of people including myself and Steve Mason who saw right through all the smoke and realized that this team was destined for failure. Just like so many, oops, I mean every Eagles team in the past. And yet you still have morons like Kylie, who as late as earlier this week were still saying they believe in Chip.

      1. Remember that Packers game? Remember when people lost their minds and convinced themselves that a meaningless preseason game was a preamble to a run at the Superbowl? Clowns and fools, needing a winning team, and the owner just sits back making coin. Travesty.

  4. “We expected a Super Bowl.”

    YOU expected a Super Bowl. Anybody with half-a-brain could’ve seen this sh-tshow coming.

  5. REMEMBER WHEN DURING THE OFF SEASON I WAS VERBALLY FELATING CHIP KELLY AND ALL OF HIS OFF SEASON MOVES. TALKING ABOUT HOW THIS WAS THE YEAR WE WERE GOING TO WIN THE SUPERBOWL. MAKING STATEMENTS ABOUT HOW I COULDN’T WAIT TO HEAR MERRILL “MARBLE MOUTH” REESE CALLING OUT TOUCHDOWNS. REMEMBER WHEN I PREDICTED THE EAGLES WOULD GO 14-2 AND WIN THE SUPER BOWL. REMEMBER HOW AFTER THE DALLAS WIN I PREDICTED THIS SEASON WOULD TURN AROUND AND CHIP HAD IT UNDER CONTROL. GOD AM I A FUCKING IDIOT

    1. I remember EVERY stupid and pathetic Eagles fan saying that same dumb shit EVERY fuckin’ year after year!!! Take some comfort in knowing that you are not going through this sad journey alone! Ahh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

  6. JOHN RIGGINS
    November 27, 2015 at 5:18 am
    Ahh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Poor fuckin’ pathetic Eagles and their fans! You think it can’t get worse? Wait until they play the Patriots! Ahh! Ha! Ha! Ha! You know what’s more pathetic? If the stinking ass Eagles pulled off a miracle and beat the Lions, the poor pathetic fans would have started their Super Bowl chant again! Ahh! Ha! Ha! Ha!

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