Bryce Harper Has Morphed into Zack Morris and Now I’m Starting to like Him

Not even sure why, but I’m coming around on Harper. He’s got personality, flare, charisma, and the marks on his neck provide lasting evidence of Jonathan Papelbon’s dickheadedness. In the absence of virtually any star power in this city right now, I’d kill for a player like Harper in this town. Claude Giroux is probably the closest thing we’ve got, and he’s so far from this level it’s not even funny. The best he can do is wildly swing his stick in misplaced effort in yet another Flyers loss. We need a hero. A white knight. Or a dark knight. A douchebag like Harper to call our own. Someone. Anyone. For real, I may lose my mind if I have to keep blogging about the most pathetic sports city on Earth right now. Jim wrote a post before about T.J. McConnell, the Sixers point of whom you’ve never heard:

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T.J. McConnell! An entire post! And I’m actually thinking about approving it. Why? Because we’re from Philadelphia… and we suck so bad right now.

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13 Responses

  1. Daniel from Jenkintown: …..Mike, we can’t have them in the country!
    Mike Miss: Look, bro. They’re people!
    DfJ: THEY’RE TERRORISTS! It’s ISIS! Are you insane?
    MM: Not all, bro. Not all, bro. After a screening, you let them in.
    DfJ: Insane. You can’t trust them.
    MM: Bro.
    DfJ: Come on, Mike.
    MM: Alright, bro. So, bro. You want a general knowledge question, bro?
    DfJ: Sure.
    MM: This comes from the general knowledge category, bro. Bro, what three words are used to identify a noun?
    DfJ: A what?
    MM: A noun, bro. You know you got your adjectives and verbs and adverbs. I want nouns. What three words are used to identify what a noun is?
    DfJ: I don’t understand, Mike.
    MM: Bro.
    Martinez: Unbelievable.
    MM: Peoples, places and things, bro. Those are nouns.
    Martinez: Wow.
    MM: How does he write anything?
    Martinez: I use a pen to write things.
    MM: Daquan from Camden, you’re on 97.5 The Fanatic. What’s going on, Daquan?
    DfC: Mikey Miss, my brother. I got a violation for you ….

  2. Please approve Jim’s fluff post about McConnell so the FIRE JIM posters have something to do this afternoon.

  3. Remember how between the years of 2008-2010 we were in 2 World Series (won 1), the Flyers were in the Stanley Cup Finals (2 wins away from taking it), and the Eagles made it to the NFC championship? Good times.

  4. What a useless post. Is what this blog is about? Sucking the dick of your divisional rival’s biggest star? Why dont you wipe the cum from your lips and let your wife have a turn. Nutless cuck.

  5. The Nationals are the Colts of the MLB, both Luck and Harper are the golden boys that are anointed but at least Luck isn’t a punk.

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