Larry Brown Says he Could Fix the Sixers in Five Minutes with A.I.’s Help

Photo Credit: Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports

We’ve been through this before: Larry Brown doesn’t get it. Without saying that the Sixers are right and Brown is wrong, we can all agree that he doesn’t “get” what they’re trying to do. On one hand, I feel bad for Larry. When he’s not out there ignoring NCAA rules, I’m sure he’s a great guy and I know he cares about Sixers basketball. But his ideas on helping the Sixers out are dated and half-hearted, but still, he thinks he can do it. He told Jon Marks that he could totally fix the Sixers in five minutes:

““I’m sick of what’s going on there. You know I care about the Sixers. It’s an unbelievable basketball city and I had a great experience there. I don’t want to get on them when they’re struggling, but they don’t have any veteran leadership. I want to help. I could straighten it out in five minutes. I wish they’d get Allen involved. All those young kids worship him.”

Never mind the fact that “getting Allen involved” because “all those young kids worship him” is a terrible reason to give A.I. a job. Never mind the fact that for someone who has intimate knowledge of A.I.’s shortcomings, Larry Brown seems to totally ignore A.I.’s shortcomings. And never mind the fact that “veteran leadership,” while something the Sixers could definitely benefit from, wouldn’t “straighten” the team out. This team is already quickly approaching Too Many Cooks territory, and if we throw A.I. in there too (though who knows how often he’d show up) the whole thing could collapse.

That is, unless Brown has a secret plan. And this would be just about the only secret plan that could work:

  1. Invent a time machine
  2. Go back to 1999 and kidnap 1999 Allen Iverson
  3. Go to 2015 and say you could fix the Sixers in five minutes with Allen Iverson’s help
  4. Wait for someone (me) to write a snarky post about it
  5. Unveil your time machine and 1999 Allen Iverson to the amazed masses
  6. Sign him to the Sixers and watch them win 40 games
  7. ???


Would that “straighten the team out”? Not really. But A.I. did drag two or three good players and a bunch of (general) scrubs to the finals in 2001 … man, we really need that time machine.

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11 Responses

  1. And in a nutshell, brown explains the problem with the inner cities all over America. Instead of having a decent role model, inner city (black) youth look up to deadbeat, abusive, thugs. And even worse, if you are a responsible male adult, the urban community looks at you like you’re corny.

  2. Can we chill out with the Sixers posts? Seriously they suck and will suck until possibly after next year’s draft. There’s no need for multiple posts a day for a team that has 1 win. We all know what they need to do to get better.

  3. Are you guys impressed with my sound drops during the crossover. I spend 5 minutes putting it together.

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