Steve Weatherford went in on Philadelphia and Eagles fans on Twitter again yesterday because he doesn’t have a job, so what else is there to do? He hit all the marks.

He’s got dad jokes:

He’s that loser that says “OOOOH” after his own dig, even if no one else does:

(he’s also a 33-year-old man who says “chuck the dueces”)

He’d never take his family to Philadelphia:

No sire. There’s no class there. It’s dangerous. It’s not a beautiful heavenly landscape of smiles and joy like New York Jersey.

He makes up obviously fake stories about old women knowing who he is:

He thinks he’s clever as shit by pointing out that Rocky is, in fact, fictional:

Really though, this dude is the worst, but I can’t help but feel sad for him. He’s out of work, he’s clinging to these false loyalties like pro football is more than a business, and he keeps touting his “rings” to people even though he did the least on that team to earn them. He’s really the NFL version of that guy who peaked in high school and still wears his varsity jacket around. He thinks he’s clever and he thinks he’s cool, but we’re all just feeling bad for him.

Also he looks like someone gave the Captain America super soldier serum to Ted Cruz and I can’t stop thinking about that.

[via BlackSportsOnline]