Sam Bradford’s agent, Tom Condon, went on SiriusXM Radio to stump for his client last night, because certainly, complaining on behalf of a guy who will make $18 million this season despite playing only one half-decent season over the past three years is the sort of thing that will win you public favor in a country and state where the leading Presidential vote-getter is a guy promising to make your life suck just a little bit less.

Bleeding Green Nation transcribed the interview. Here’s the salient part:

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But nevertheless, none of this is personal, it’s just business. And so from our perspective it is that Sam wants the opportunity to try to go some place and not only be the starter but be the starter there long-term. There’s a couple of things that go along with this. If you’re on a two year contract and the second pick in the draft is behind you, then you better really play well because you’re going to hear it from the fans if you don’t. You better play well or your teammates are going to look at you sideways and wonder about when the next guy is going to step in. I think from that standpoint too it’s that’s the other players understand you’re a short-term guy. And you’re going to be out of there even if you play well because you can hopefully be traded or something like that before you contract expires. Sam would like to forego all of that.

From this standpoint the ideal situation is that, he understands he’s under contract [with Philadelphia] for two years, but the offseason program is voluntary and he can certainly make his wishes known with regard to wanting to go some place else and set up and be there for the rest of his career. Sam’s a competitor and he wants to go some place that he’s the man. He just doesn’t want to be there holding a place card and then wondering where he’s going to go at the end of the year. He’d liked to go some place where he can participate and play.

He wants to be the man. Two things: 1) Chase Utley is The Man— so fuck off. 2) I would like to be Bill Simmons and have HBO give me millions to hire my own staff and create a sports media super site. Unfortunately, that’s not happening any time soon (though if some rich guy reading this wants to kick in a relatively modest sum to pay a bunch of contributors, in exchange for a slice of this pie, call me). So this is the hand we’re dealt. Bradford’s hand, it turns out, pays him $22 million guaranteed over the next two years to play football, and, likely, start for an at least somewhat competitive team. Like I said yesterday, if the man Bradford had any confidence in his abilities, he wouldn’t need his agent to scream from the rooftops about him wanting to avoid a situation in which the mean old fanny-wannies might wive wu a ward time if wu can’t make wur passes. ???

Right now my kid is downstairs on the verge of a meltdown despite his grand mom’s best efforts to prolong fun time. Quite literally the sound I’m hearing while I read Bradford’s agent’s comments is a baby beginning a strategic whine that will soon turn into an all-out cry. My son is four months old– it’s what he does (he also eats, poops, sleeps, and can recite, through a series of coos, squeals and farts, Chase Utley’s entire 2008 World Fucking Champions speech, including the frequently forgotten part after the famous F bomb). Bradford, on the other hand, is 28, and yet he’s making the same noise (sans the ability to recite Utley’s speech).

Les Bowen tweeted that he no longer thinks Bradford and his agent have found a willing trade partner and that he just thinks they’re mad. I agree. This is straight-up complaining about being dealt a bad hand, when the few other tables even had dealers. Bradford just wants to cry about it.

Condon also said his client’s stats over 14 games last season were in the middle of the pack for starters. ESPN’s Total Quarterback Rating seems to disagree:

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While Bradford played much better in the second half of the season, the fact that we seemingly need to qualify everything with him – he’s coming off injury, he’s coming off injury again, he needs to adjust to the speed of the game, his sleeves are too long, he was great the last three games of the season – should tell Bradford and his agent exactly why teams are hesitant to fully invest in him. He just wants to believe his own delusion.