Giancarlo Stanton Murdered a Baseball Last Night

Sometimes you just have to tip your cap, or drop your jaw on the floor. Because that’s what I did when, just after Matt Stairs warned that Hector Neris is borderline unhittable unless he hangs one of his incredible splitters (I’m telling you– Stairs knows his shit!), Neris hung one of his incredible splitters and Giancarlo Stanton hit it real far. 475 feet far. Past the Marlins’ fish-vajazzled vagina structure far.

I’ll let my Dad, who was disproportionality impressed and excited about the home run, explain it… as I sent half-coherent responses with Siri from my watch:

Voila_Capture 2016-05-07_10-24-40_AM Voila_Capture 2016-05-07_10-24-57_AM Voila_Capture 2016-05-07_10-25-22_AM

I’m seriously the worst person to text with.

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40 Responses

  1. WOW!!!! a Saturday Post!!!!! so far your equal to yesterday’s output….nice work

    1. Better story than the 1980 US Hockey team, one day there will be a movie about LC in 2016

  2. Graham was an ego the size of Mullica Hill. That’s amazing for a person that has so little talent.

      1. I like NyQuil. Enough sports for today. Join me next Saturday for an in-depth conversation about sprinkles – chocolate and the colored ones!

  3. I’m watching you…and I’m pissed I wasn’t featured in this post after having to watch all your finger packin, booty smackin, dingy whackin body exploration while the wife is out and the baby’s asleep.

  4. Shit we need some clicks., Here’s a Philly sports video, a paragraph, a screenshot of a text messages with my dad annnnddd done. Phwew, that was tough.

    *490 feet by the way

  5. I’m taking my viewing and commenting talents to fil e n f l u e n c e r. At least the other site updates their content on the weekends.

  6. Pretty horrific analysis. The pitch was not hung AT ALL. In fact, it was a really good pitch, down in the zone., which makes what Stanton can do even more special. Nice effort though, Kyle

  7. You’re even copying Deadspin’s headlines?? “Giancarlo Stanton Murdered A Baseball Timothy Burke Today 11:58am”

    1. I was going to post the exact same thing. This headline and post are pathetically lazy and border on plagiarism.

      1. Hey dick bag you posting Angelo comments followed a minute later by an Al response than a minute later by a Rhea comment isn’t and never was funny. Get a new shtick, maybe Paul J stuff or fake g@y Bob something other than this boring unoriginal g@y shit.

  8. Blow it Phillies fans. Your $200 cable bill is going to Comcast. Comcast is giving the Phillies owners $5 B over the next 20 years . 75% of this horrendous roster is making at or near MLB minimum. While Comcast zaps your checking account $200 every month think good thoughts about Tylet Goedell , Peter “Bourjos and Jeremy Shellickson.

  9. after a grant total of 2 posts on friday, kyle comes back wth some fart of a post that includes a bunch of dumb texts from his dumb dad

    lazy crappy content and site.

  10. This website is garbage. Comment section however is funny as hell. Its kinda funny when you think about it, how kyle scott’s family depends on a comment section.

  11. Breaking news…..Bradford to report today per my inside sources. Kyle and Jim , you have my permission to post it. #theinsidesource

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