An In-Depth and Absolutely Exhaustive Scouting Report on Ben Simmons Based on Seeing Him Play One Full Game

The immediate takeaway is that Simmons looks like he’s playing slower than everybody else. This is a trait only the best players have. The ease and fluidity of their motion, at first glance, makes it appear as if they’re hardly moving, like a jumbo jet flying high in the sky– you know it is going fast, but it doesn’t appear to be going fast. He’s so in-control, so mature in his handling and passing abilities. It looks so easy and natural. It is not a stretch to say that at times he looks like LeBron James out there. That’s not to compare them at this point in their careers, obviously, but Simmons handles the ball, passes, and attacks defenders in a manner that resembles current-LeBron. Just look at this, tell me he doesn’t look like LeBron with his man-body attacking a little boy defender when doing this:

Separation. Space. Draw defender. Dish. 

Obviously it’s all bout Simmons’ passing ability. On the court last night with the strange bedfellows typical on a Summer League roster, especially for a lousy team, Simmons resembled one of those old-school pickup guys with obviously superior skills who keeps yelling at you for always being out of position or getting caught off-guard for his mind-bending passes. KEEP UP, FELLAS:

Now, some areas of improvement: Simmons rushes his free-throws. On one he was leaning forward before his release.

He is able to get his shot – usually a good look – but seems to finish awkwardly around the rim in certain spots (he was just 2-of-8 from the field). But that is something that will improve as he gets used to facing better defenders. The ability to get there is key, and he already has that.

He’s a fucking robot. It’s sad that a 19-year-old is already so damn jaded that he has to be soooo guarded in interviews. He says absolutely nothing. He can’t even take a layup question and run with it. You just get stock responses. He makes Hillary Clinton seem loose with her words. Phhhhh:

Simmons is going to be special. His few flaws are easily fixable and improvable. He has a rare ability to control the game. He has size, poise, confidence. And passing ability. Oh that passing ability.