I was going to start off breaking down the Eagles’ decision to go for the win yesterday, but honestly who gives a shit? We have more important matters to get to, like the pure, steamy love affair we’re embarking on with Joel Embiid, who scored a career-high 33 points (in 27 minutes!) last night in a win over the Nets. Here he is diving into the stands in the fourth quarter:

Why do that, Process?

“I’m sorry for that person, I think I stepped on his shoulder. I’m sorry. But like I’ve been saying, I’m gonna give my all every time I’m on the court. That’s what I think I’ve been doing. Just play hard. One thing, AI kind of helped me with that. [He said] play like it’s your last game, and I think that’s what I’ve been doing.”

Oh God, I want to have sweet, large metaphorical babies with you, Jojo. Show me more:

Photo credit: John Geliebter-USA TODAY Sports

Oh yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Let’s film it so we can watch it later:


I need a towel.

Side note: On a scale from 1-trade me right fucking now, how mad do you think Nerlens Noel is at Embiid’s emergence as the star now that he’s essentially been benched?