Sixers

Bryan Colangelo Would like to Inform Other GMs That the Sixers Have No Pressing Need to Trade Nerlens Noel, Who Hates Philly, or Camden, or Wherever the Sixers Are Actually From

By Kyle Scott

Published: Dec 19th, 2016 · 2:08 PM EST

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Bryan Colangelo, and his deep collars, came out and spoke with the assembled media today about the quickly deteriorating Nerlens Noel situation which must have other NBA GMs frothing at the mouth like a toad at a fruit fly convention. Colangelo, who assured everyone that THERE’S NOTHING TO SEE HERE, put on his best poker face (it’s a good one) and made sure the rest of the league knows that the Sixers totally don’t have to trade Noel. Nope. Not at all. We’re rolling with them. They’re all great. A full team we have. Bryan?

Hear that, league? There is absolutely no problem here with our disgruntled, highly talented center who is determined to make such a stink about his situation that he might bring down the whole damn process in the… fuck, process.

Now, we can either take Colangelo at his word – that Brown is upset that his words last night were misconstrued and that Noel is only on the outside looking in now because he’s being brought up to speed after injury – or we can assume that Colangelo is doing his best to make everyone else think things aren’t totally fucked and the Sixers aren’t desperate to trade Noel for literally any large human body that could give them 26 minutes per game. Whose fault is this?

There it is.

Trust the process.