Can YOU Name These Phillies?

Angelo Cataldi posted this photo from the Daily News’ Phillies preview, and not one person who responded to him got all of them right. And when I retweeted it, only (@mattrappa) and (@danbergvall) did.

Phillies beat writer Ryan Lawrence responded to my Tweet, somewhat incredulously, and seemed surprised that real fans wouldn’t know all of these guys. We went back and forth a bit, with me arguing that even lifelong Phils fans who wept in 2008 and can recall specific games during the Steve Jeltz and Randy Ready years might not be able to do this, and Lawrence arguing that real fans should be able to, especially since a few of the guys in the back row are top prospects.

I think this speaks to a larger issue about Phillies fandom of late, and maybe sports fandom in general. Lawrence’s role of covering the team on a daily basis hasn’t changed between, say, 2011, when the Phillies were the thing in Philly, and now, when they’re, well, not. The wins and losses have changed, the players have changed, but the trade hasn’t. Lawrence saw Andrew Knapp this spring likely as much as he saw Cliff Lee in the spring of 2011 (probably more). But with the exception of the most diehard fans – a very tiny subset of “Phillies fans” – most people aren’t paying nearly as close attention as they were then. Part of the reason is that the Phillies stink, and part of it is that there are so many other entertainment options nowadays. I spent two hours last night watching YouTube videos – on my TV – when just a few years ago I would’ve been steered toward watching Sunday Night Baseball. The YouTube videos were much more enjoyable than the Cubs-Cardinals game. As a further example, six years ago, a post with just the Phils Opening Day lineup would’ve gotten more views than this post will.

Sports are still premium entertainment, when you’re watching a quality product. But whereas even 10 years ago your viewing options, especially in the summer, were limited, and a live Phils game, regardless of the team’s winning percentage, represented the best option, now you are hardly forced into watching a team that is, say, 10 games under .500 in August. I don’t think it makes you less of a fan or a bandwagon hopper if you choose something else. It makes you a normal, well-adjusted person. Time is limited, and there have been better options than watching the Phillies in August… or the Flyers over the past three months.

Additionally, I don’t think we, as sports fans, ask for much. Even when the Phillies feigned competitiveness for a few weeks last spring, that was enough to draw many people back in– hey, fun baseball! But when they were getting 10-run-ruled in July, who wanted to watch that shit?

This site has always been geared towards a more mainstream fan, and not those are who are very much in the weeds with each team. In other words, most people. I’ve never once considered that to mean bandwagon. There’s a knee-jerk reaction, especially in a town like Philly, to label people that way if they tune out when the teams become dreadful. But I don’t think that’s fair.

Anyway, I can’t name all of those guys. I got Nola, Franco, Eickhoff and Crawford. I think. Find out who they are, after the jump.

Left-to-right (top): Nick Williams, J.P. Crawford, Jorge Alfaro, Jake Thompson

Left-to-right (bottom): Aaron Nola, Maikel Franco, Jared Eickhoff

Got that? There will be a test.

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30 Responses

  1. To be fair, you aren’t a real sports fan. Not in the traditional sense. You are an attention span lacking millennial that just latches on to the popular thing at the time. Hence, the plethora of Sixers articles this year.

    1. Kyle…are you still mad because of the blumpkin you gave Jim in the mens room at The Bike Stop this past weekend?
      I mean you can get those stains of the knees of your corduroy pants.
      Get over it already!

    2. Maybe this explains why i like to go to the glory hole stall at the Farly rest stop a lot.
      I just can’t pay attention to a random C0CK for more than 5 or 6 minutes at a time.

      I assume that by ‘just latches on….’ you mean ‘steal articles from other sources, mucks with the wording(eventually fucking it
      and the associated grammar up) and claims them as my own’.
      Is this correct?

  2. Umping a scrimmage and claims a female fan heckled him for a call he made so he walked over and called her and any other fan out suggesting they ump themselves if they don’t like his calls. Man Lil Robbie E is so tough

      1. Yeah, stuffing their mattress with 100 dollar bills.
        What do you do for a living besides jerk off using your mom’s fur shawl?

        1. In all fairness, have you ever seen a hardcore Delco chick? I’d rather fight some of the Flyers.

  3. It started off with getting it on with a new girl on Friday morning. Then a two-on-one in the afternoon. Followed by another two on one in the evening.

    That was just Friday. On Saturday I got my D sucked at the local bar and was able to convert it into a 2 on one with my buddy. It was great until his D slipped into my bum. Although I kind of liked it.

    On Sunday convinced a chick to come down and hook up with the bradster. Although I think it might have been a dude.

    Now it off to bang my neighbor.

    It’s good to be the Brad. Because the Bradster rules.

    All Brad. All day. Bradster out.

    1. dude, please stop. I don’t even know you and I’m embarrassed for you. you ARE NOT FUNNY

  4. Bradster here.
    Had an awesome weekend.
    Met some local types at The Tavern on Camac and was the
    receiver of a 5 guy gang bang and bukake slurp and slide.
    I was ordered not to leave a mess so we didn’t need a tarp.
    My asshole is so sore i probably won’t be able to shit for a week.
    I ate so much hairy ass my tongue needs a sling and an ice pack!
    Might hit it again tonight if i get some tiger balm for my back pipe.
    Bradster out!

  5. The Eagles have agreed to let me start a new podcast which I am naming ‘Pud-cast’. I’ll be covering the important things that fans are most concerned with like the size and girth of the entire roster.

    1. Why don’t you cover lame posts that repeat the same shit over and over you stupid fuckwad!

  6. I am still laughing at repulsive Angelo Cataldi talking about Scarlett Johannsen this morning and saying she is not that hot – like she would look at him twice. Cataldi has not one thing going for him except he has some money; btw I love baseball and can name most of the lineup but don’t really know what they look like. They are all too new at this point.

  7. Kyle – you are the worst. You are not representative of philly sports fans. You’re a hipster, loser blogger who parlayed sports radio and television gossip into a lucky 6 figure “job”. You’re basically the guy that has some money who everyone hates. Fuk you. Sincerely ~ everyone

    Ps ~ Lawrence, who would run circles around you in any kind of debate forum, is correct. You don’t have to be a diehard to name these players. This is who the Phils are going to perennially field in the playoffs. Again, fuk you.

    Pss ~ Why do our best journalists end up on secondary sites ( i.e. Kempski, Lawrence, Bodner?)

  8. I can name one that’s not there……a big piece of fucking monkey shit kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk machine.

  9. Remember when you would rant and rave about how Philadelphia is a baseball town? Hahahaha

  10. Most of the guys have zero chance of making the Phillies great again. Eichoff and Nola are 4th and 5th starters at best. Until Franco can stop swinging at obvious balls his upside is severely capped. Crawford is the only guy Im really excited about but it concerns me they seem to be hiding him the minors. Other teams bring up guys in there early 20’s all the time if they are ready.

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