Your Monday Morning Roundup

Worst pitch ever.

Let’s hit it!

 

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The roundup:

The Phillies stink, man. We went outside to do Easter pictures yesterday and came back in to discover that the Phillies had, shockingly, taken a lead over the Nats… only to turn it over to Joaquin Benoit, who gave up two hits, a walk, and then A BOMB to Bryce Harper to lose the game on one of the worst pitches I have ever seen:

Benoit knew it, Bryce knew it, and everyone gathered ’round Easter TVs knew it before the ball crossed the plate– it was headed toward the fat part of Harper’s bat like a heat-seeking missile. The Phillies stink, they don’t have a closer, and they continuously find new ways to lose games. Worse, this time, they had some control and could’ve elected to walk Harper – one of the game’s best players who looked dialed in against an overmatched pitcher – or at least pitch around him. But rather than put the winning run on second, Pete Mackanin let the 39-year-old pitcher throw to Harper. Pete?

“Do you put Harper on to face Daniel Murphy?” Phillies manager Pete Mackanin said of the middle of the Nats’ order. “…Those two guys back to back are tough, I don’t want to see either one of them come up with the game on the line. You have to make real good pitches.”

Ugh. I can see it both ways. But I’m just trying to wrap my head around how you throw Harper one of the worst pitches in the history of baseball.

The Nationals used the Jim Ross trope twice yesterday, and I’m fine with it:

I am going to tread lightly here, but, if you were at a game, what would you look more forward to, the Phanatic’s fifth inning hijinks or the Presidents’ race? I am JUST saying.

 

Never heard of it.

 

Real-time update here: I went in the kitchen to get coffee just after writing that line about the Presidents’ race. My wife, who understandably hasn’t willingly consumed a Phillies game in at least three years, said to me, “I saw the Easter Bunny jump in front of the Presidents.” JUST SAYING!

 

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Fair warning: I am irrationally angry over this screenshot. Let’s set the scene: The Rockets are playing at home, on their red court, in front of red-out fans, wearing black. The Thunder, who wear blue, have a blue score bug, are on the road, wearing orange. WAYYYYYYY too much going on here. Throw in the smoke from the pre-game pyrotechnics, and you have a full-blown assault on the sports-time continuum. Who’s home? What year is it? Is this red and black hellscape what Kane masturbates to?

I am not a jersey snob and think teams across all sports should experiment more throughout the course of the season. Why not let a baseball team wear a different jersey each week or month just to spice things up? Why not have NBA teams with 10-12 uniform sets? But this is overkill. It’s the playoffs. I need consistency. I need to be able to turn on the game and, besides the scores, immediately see what game in the series it is, who leads, and who’s home. The Rockets and Thunder encroached upon my safe space last night. It’s like when you and your buddy get nutty in the jersey select screen and one of you chooses hideous throwbacks while the other chooses “road alt 2” and you set the weather to “smog” at a neutral location with unrealistic environmental hazards. It all sounds good until you get into the game and can’t figure out who’s who and have to reset after one person blows a key defensive assignment because they “DIDN’T REALIZE HE WAS ON OFFENSE!” These sorts of affairs should be reserved for the regular season and video game consoles, not the NBA Playoffs.

 

I am no Bryan Colangelo fan and think we’re cruising toward the “angry masses” phase of his GM-ing tenure. But to declare this so matter-of-factly after one season is a bit absurd. The fact is, Colangelo’s main objectives might be that he needs to keep Embiid and Simmons healthy and happy, make one good draft pick, and then add complementary players at specific positions. For the Sixers to become great he doesn’t need to build the roster from scratch – Sam Hinkie already started that process – he just needs to sign one max-contract free agent and overplay a skill player. I actually think he might be the right guy for that job. Though there’s also a chance he panics and trades away a promising young center for tenuous reasons. Ah, shit.

 

Ant is back. And so is Baldy:

 

Today in “Oh Fuck Donald Trump Is Our President.” From Reuters:

U.S. Vice President Mike Pence put North Korea on notice on Monday, warning that recent U.S. strikes in Syria and Afghanistan showed that the resolve of President Donald Trump should not be tested.

Pence and South Korean acting president Hwang Kyo-ahn, speaking a day after a failed missile test by the North and two days after a huge display of missiles in Pyongyang, also said they would strengthen anti-North Korea defences by moving ahead with the early deployment of the THAAD missile-defence system.

Pence is on the first stop of a four-nation Asia tour intended to show America’s allies, and remind its adversaries, that the Trump administration was not turning its back on the increasingly volatile region.

“Just in the past two weeks, the world witnessed the strength and resolve of our new president in actions taken in Syria and Afghanistan,” Pence said in a joint appearance with Hwang.

“North Korea would do well not to test his resolve or the strength of the armed forces of the United States in this region,” Pence said.

I’m not a dove and have no problem with the Syria strike, the Afghanistan bombing, or putting North Korea on notice. But I am concerned that Donald Trump is the one making those decisions, presumably without considering any nuance or even knowing what that word means. You can’t run the world on campaign rhetoric. Mike Pence, as backwards as he may be, at least seems to grasp diplomacy and the very delicate balance of powers around the world. I’d be juuuuust fine if Trump farmed out foreign policy to him.

https://twitter.com/AskAKorean/status/853796889728253957

 

What did they do with the Republican party?

 

I love how the Huffington Post is just now coming around on Curt Schilling being a lunatic.

 

I need to see the John Calipari 30 for 30.

 

If this were any other player I’d doubt his sincerity.

 

https://twitter.com/TorreySmithWR/status/853934187807727616

Mmm.

 

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Golfers have the most wholesome looking girlfriends. Except Rickie Fowler.

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38 Responses

  1. Get ready for nonstop Eagles talk and me and Harry Mayes fawning all over Bryce Harper, in anticipation of him signing with the Phillies, in 2019.

    1. 610-632-0975 is the number. Phone lines are open. We’re talking Birds, the NFL draft and Carson Wentz.

    2. This is by far, the worst weekend recap I have ever read. I would rather drive to Canada for my wedding to Ava Graham, with Rob Eliis and Phil from Mt Airy than read this absolute pile of trash.

      EROCK Out

  2. Lmao looks like Kyle decided to end his vacation and come back to work

    Must be nice to be a spoiled rich kid who’s parents sent him to snobby Villanova. Enjoy your parents shore house this weekend buddy?

    Meanwhile Jim Adair is struggling with depression and putting food on his table.

    1. Bra… jus cuz ur parents are broke ass bitches , don’t hate on little Kyle cuz his folks worked a little harder than urs did.

      1. No, my parents worked very hard and instilled a strong work ethic in their children. We just aren’t all lucky enough to get high paying jobs. My dad worked the steel and my mom tends bar. Honest professions.

  3. As predicted he’s back as boring as ever talking nonstop draft and gargling Baldys nut sack. Also they have Shander doing their stupid trending thing now. That guy is that stations whipping boy. He really must get paid nothing

    1. The show is 10x more unlistenable when baldy is on especially during the season when they break down game film over the radio.

        1. He opened the show saying she was a cost cutting move I’m sure they canned her to cut cost then gave Gargano a raise a few days later

          1. She was only making about $25,000 a year if that. Still it was the best move ever kicking MCW to the curb.

      1. Mr Name Dropper, Brian Baldinger….”Well, i was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, at Maders Resturant with Paul Hornung and Jerry Cramer and we were eating johnsonville brats with Ahman Green and Sterling Sharpe discussing 1-3 techniques in Green Bay Packers Football”

  4. Gargano started the show by saying M C W was let go for cost cutting reasons which he does not agree with as she was a valuable asset to the show.

  5. Cuz is killin it today. That fat new contract of his looks to be paying off. Ant is the official voice of Philly sports now.

  6. Hope you’re all looking forward to my next Phillies Week in Review! Coming this May!

  7. Re: Cataldi’s tweet: I have seen enough of him (Cataldi); when the hell is he going to retire? All he does anymore is scream and carry on. He is such a phony with that loving Philadelphia line. He loves it so much he has never lived in it!

  8. so, kyle, are you saying the internet is a utility and is required? If that’s so, Id love to see what that would do to you revenues?

  9. Friendly reminder that I am available to do anything sports related!

    Maybe i can be the new Trending Girl

    I also still look the same and have not blimped up like AF has

    HMU on my IG

    Jen

  10. “What did they do with the Republican party?”

    Really, Kyle? From I assume ‘your party’ of douchebags like Weiner, Shumer and Pelosi? Oh let’s not forget all the ass-fuck hysterical celebrity geniuses. Hilarous. At least Pubs have balls.

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