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Buffalo Wild Wings Is Opening up Faster, Shittier Restaurants to Reach Millennials

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jun 15th, 2017 · 9:09 AM EDT

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Buffalo Wild Wings is trying out new takeout restaurants to combat the pesky little problem that their food tastes like the excrement of a mummy. From MarketWatch:

Buffalo Wild Wings Inc. said Wednesday that it will pilot two small-format restaurants called B-Dubs Express in Minneapolis that will focused on takeout and delivery.

The B-Dubs locations will be about 2,500 square feet with seating for between 35 and 50 guests. The first will open in Edina, Minn. later this summer. The other will be in Hopkins, Minn. The menu will include wings, a burger, Buffalo mac and cheese, a salad, and other items.

The fast-casual-style locations will also have televisions, beer and wine for those waiting or dining in.

And from this corporate shithead who blocked me:

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

They are doing this so wrong. Their issue isn’t with time or attention, it’s with the food. Ergo, allow me to pose an… alternative… strategy to save the beloved Buffalo Wild Wings brand:

Step 1: Serve real, actual chicken, not pre-frozen fowl testicles dipped in breading and cooked until they’re the consistency of a jawbreaker wrapped in anal membrane

Step 2: Sauces– NOT IN A SQUIRT BOTTLE

Step 3: Hire managers that weren’t recently fired by the local used car dealership for being “just a bit too grotesque and untrustworthy”

Step 4: Undertake initiatives to expand the clientele beyond just the dolts who consider UFC to be “the beautiful game”

Step 5: Change the name, change the logo, change the executive board, fold the entire company and start anew

Seems simple enough.

H/T to (@cschmid10), (@TheMostKing4)