Rhys Hoskins Is More Of A Man Than Me, You, All Of Us

Rhys Hoskins continues to do crazy shit on a baseball field. I guess that’s a somewhat elementary way to describe what we’re witnessing right now, but, I mean, come on, we’re out of superlatives here.

Last night, Hoskins saw 10 total pitches during his first two plate appearances, didn’t swing at a single one, and drew two walks.

Did he demonstrate a patient and mature approach that’s completely disproportionate to his actual experience? Indeed. But what he really did was lull the unsuspecting Marlins into a false sense of security. By the time the rookie strolled to the plate in the 7th inning, Miami reliever Dustin McGowan actually convinced himself that Hoskins wouldn’t become the fastest player ever to hit his 15th career home run.

Whoops.

https://twitter.com/long_drive/status/907778222464684033

The homer helped ignite a Phillies rally that appeared to result in a game-winning two-run single by Hyun-soo Kim, but Cesar Hernandez was inexplicably thrown out at the plate despite having easily beat the throw from Giancarlo Stanton:

Why touch the plate with any part of your body that beat the throw when you can just be out instead? pic.twitter.com/1ZjI2RiPjC

— Bob Wankel (@BobWankelCB) September 13, 2017

Typically, such a play would serve as a harsh reminder that when I die I’ll almost certainly regret the time I’ve wasted watching this shit. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. No less than 75% of his body actually slid past the plate before the tag, except that he…didn’t…touch…the…plate.

The 2017 Phillies pic.twitter.com/HZl45i7SPS

— The Good Phight (@TheGoodPhight) September 13, 2017

Some wasted Barbasol and Gatorade bath aside, the blunder was actually a good thing–a gift from the baseball gods, if you will. And that gift arrived the very next inning when Rhys Hoskins continued to show opposing pitchers that he’s more of a man than they are–than all of us are, really.

Are. You. Kidding. Me? pic.twitter.com/bZbhyot5ew

— Bob Wankel (@BobWankelCB) September 13, 2017

How absurd is this all? Hoskins now has 16 homers in 139 plate appearances, good for one homer every 8.69 times he comes to the plate. Meanwhile, Giancarlo Stanton has 54 homers in 617 plate appearances. That’s a homer every 11.43 plate appearances. If you take Hoskins’ homer rate and play it out over 617 plate appearances, he would have 71 home runs.

Or, take a look at this little nugget. Is this good?

At Bats needed for 16 career homers
Babe Ruth – 368
Hank Aaron – 536
Barry Bonds – 378
RHYS HOSKINS – 112

— Matt Breen (@matt_breen) September 13, 2017

You’re damn right it is. And, oh, by the way, the Phillies won the game 9-8 in 15th inning after a Nick Williams double scored Aaron Altherr. Williams, who had three hits last night, is now batting .292, sports an .849 OPS, and has knocked in 47 runs in his first 65 games. Maybe I’ll get around to a deep dive on Williams when I’m done slobbering over Hoskins, but, uh, that might not happen anytime soon.