Former New England Patriots executive and Cleveland Browns GM, and current doer at The Ringer, Mike Lombardi, completely burned down and salted the Earth of Eagles head coach Doug Pederson in a scathing review of his 2016 performance. Here once again are his comments, as transcribed by Brandon Lee Gowton of Bleeding Green Nation:

My beloved 76ers once hired a guy by the name of Roy Rubin from Long Island University. Poor Roy. He finished 4-47 before the Sixers canned him. 4-47! Years later, Fred Carter said ‘Letting Rubin coach was like letting a teenager run a big corporation.’

Hey Fred, meet the Eagles’ head coach, Doug Pederson! Now, everybody knows Pederson isn’t a head coach. He might be less qualified to coach a team than anyone I’ve ever seen in my 30-plus years in the NFL.

Look, the Eagles looked increasingly sloppy and unprepared as the 2016 season limped along. That ain’t changing in ’17.

Only Carson Wentz can save Pederson’s job, and Wentz actually got worse during his rookie year, not better.

When will the Eagles admit their mistake? Will they throw away 2017 by stubbornly sticking to the Pederson Principle?

The immortal Roy Rubin lasted 51 games. I bet Doug Pederson lasts way less than that.”

Jesus Christ. Sure, Doug isn’t Bill Belichick, but I didn’t think he evoked that kind of emotion from anyone. Why would he?

My question is, WHAT THE HELL DID DOUG PEDERSON DO TO MIKE LOMBARDI? Good god, I demand answers. It must have been something awful, because who would devote that much energy into eviscerating Douggy P? Did Pederson and Lombardi have words at an off-season golf tournament and Pederson throw a punch (if he did, it was probably a slowly developing, sweeping blow to the outside that did little-to-nothing)? What did he do? TALK TO ME, MIKEY!

It’s so over the top… the least qualified coach in the past 30-plus years in the NFL? The guy did play quarterback in the league for more than a decade (not all that well, but he was out there) and had seven previous years of experience in NFL coaching before landing his first head coaching gig. Andy Reid only had six years of coaching experience before getting his first head coaching job, and he had never held a position higher than quarterbacks coach. Also, he’s morbidly obese.

I don’t even care that Lombardi ripped Crusher’s still beating heart from his chest and slapped it across his face – hell, he probably deserves it – but he’s such low-hanging fruit! He’s a milquetoast coach that wears a goofy visor whose players seem to enjoy playing for him and who makes an odd decision on 4th down every now and again. That’s literally the most interesting thing about Doug Pederson– he punts when he should kick. What did he do to deserve Lombardi’s wrath? It’s just weird to devote that much energy to an opinion on a guy like Pederson.

It’s like looking at a piece of dry toast and loudly exclaiming to the person next to you, “I HATE that toast. I’ve never seen toast that was less qualified to be toast.” The person next to the toast guy wouldn’t find their opinion interesting at all, even if he did find himself compelled to give the waitress a very particular set of instructions for crisping his bread slices.

Do people outside of Philadelphia even know Pederson is the head coach? I’m sure like 90% of them still think it’s Chip Kelly. Poor Doug.

And the Eagles weren’t even that bad last year! They were 7-9. This is a screed that should be reserved for a team that went 1-15, 2-14 at best. Pederson was two games under .500, for god’s sake, with a roster that was still reeling from the Chip Kelly natural disaster of 2015. His players never quit, they genuinely seem to like the guy, and he didn’t make them go to bed by 9 p.m.

Also, if you’re going to sit here and tell me Pederson is the least qualified person to coach an NFL team when my boy Doug Marrone is still gainfully employed in the NFL, you’ve got another thing coming, amigo.

Far be it from me to cast a shadow of a doubt on a man’s opinion, but didn’t Mike Lombardi flame out as the Browns’ GM after ONE YEAR at the helm of the most inept franchise in the NFL since, oh, let’s say the beginning of time? Maybe you’re not the best evaluator of talent when you once glowingly held Brian Hoyer in such high regard as a quarterback and reportedly wanted to trade for him in 2013 before the Arizona Cardinals became so sick of his face that they cut him outright. Color me shocked, but that didn’t work out to well for the Browns.

I don’t get it. WHY KILL DOUG? WHAT DID HE DO? It’s like rigging the deck to beat your three-year-old at Candy Land for the 20th time in a row. Sure, it’s fun and makes you feel like a big man when you “magically” pull the Queen Frostine card again and they break down in tears, but what does it get you in the long run? Nothing. It gets you attention from an annoying blogger.

Please tell the world your story, Mike. We need to know what Doug Pederson did to you…because if he didn’t do anything, than what the hell are you wasting your time for?

If you liked this nonsense then follow me on Twitter at @coggintoboggan