Choo-Choo! Here Comes The Jay Train to Finish Off the NFC East

Photo credit: Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

I’ll let everybody else break down how Jay Ajayi will schematically fit with the Eagles and debate the merits of a trade that brings the 2016 Pro Bowl running back to Philly in exchange for a fourth-round pick. Let me provide some of my own analysis: Fuck you, Dallas. Fuck you, NFC. Ajayi is coming to town as the Eagles continue to run train on the rest of football. Choo-choo!

My favorite thing about Howie Roseman is that he makes moves that are impossible not to flex over. Big name trades, big balls moves. Have we ever won a playoff game with this guy in charge? Nope. Do we know if this trade is even going to work out? Absolutely not. But is it a deal that is easy to get fired up about? It is, unless, of course, you are David Murphy:

Yeah, man. Totally. Wouldn’t want to miss out on a chance to draft the next Donnel Pumphrey to add a back who had THREE 200-yard games a year ago in a year when there’s a legitimate chance to win it all. That would be irresponsible. Get out of my face with that. Also, can we acknowledge the 7-1 Eagles just acquired a 24-year-old Pro Bowl running back to complement their backfield 12 hours after their closest remaining competitor in the division likely lost their running back for six games? I like it as a football move–I LOVE IT as a “fuck you” move.

Picture Jerry Jones on Howie Roseman’s television last night, gathered in front of reporters, Lying Jerry lying through his teeth about Elliot being a model citizen who is getting a shit deal. Roseman chuckles to himself and picks up the phone, stands up, air thrusts and spins his johnson like a windmill. “Hi, yes. Is this Dolphins GM Chris Grier? Hello. This is Howie Roseman. I’d like to have one Jay Ajayi, please. Thank you.”

You absolutely know the team’s decision makers were keenly aware of the irony at play here. There’s no way it is lost upon them that this move simultaneously strengthens their roster, AND exacerbates that Elliot is a shitty human and both he and the Cowboys completely misplayed this situation. Coconut oil, anyone?

“Now, there’s a lot of season left to play…”
“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves…”
“I mean, the Cowboys are HOT lately…”

That’s enough. I don’t want to hear it anymore. The Eagles were the better team prior to this trade and the Elliot suspension. Now? Now, they are going to win the NFC East by 6,000 games. Seriously. It’s over. Good game. Good try. Thanks for playing.

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10 Responses

  1. When was the last time they did a post not about the major 4 sports? I can read about this stuff anywhere. With actual reporters who have access and information. Not some dork in his dorm room.

    Where is the story about Mike Miss popping perks or Angelo groping interns or John Clark getting chlamydiae? WHERE.

  2. This was some quality journalism. I think many folks would pay handsomely to read this type of prose navigating any situation. The author should be proud. His words resound true and while the alacrity of his comments does not make them any more valid it definitively makes them more palatable. That being said. The seahawks will smash your beloved Eagles in the NFC championship. See you in January.

  3. Murphy is a shithead. The draft is a crapshoot for the best teams; for the worst teams, like the Eagles, it’s downright perilous. Paying 1 round higher to *completely remove* the uncertainty around a mid-round star isn’t a premium, it’s robbery by the Eagles. But I guess that science fiction beauty pageant in late April keeps food on the table for Murph. Remember when he was considered the new, young, outside-the-box guy for the Daily News? That was two days and a thousand years ago.

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