Gabe Kapler Will Be Named The Phillies’ Manager and, Wow, He’s Hot

The Phillies will hire Gabe Kapler to be their next manager, according to multiple reports across the interwebs. I know little about Kapler beyond what’s in this ESPN story that makes him sound like the perfect Phillies hire. From ESPN.com:

Kapler is considered to be analytics-driven with a fondness for sports science. Those are two important areas for Philadelphia’s management group.

Kapler is currently the Dodgers director of player development, which seems to be working out for him.

But the real story may be the fact that Kapler is a beefcake. He has a website dedicated to fitness and nutrition, Kaplifestyle.com, where you can find tips for looking great and… well, looking even better. A quick Google search reveals the following:

Holy smokes! Like I knew Gabe Kapler was sort of known for his guns and such, but I had no idea he looked like this without his shirt on. This is ridiculous! That sound you hear is every local female (and male) sportscaster positioning themselves for the Phillies’ beat.

“Step into my office,” Kapler says to the media.

A few sheepish scribes and an update anchor proceed inward, not knowing what awaits them. Kapler, it seems, is already in the throes of undress following a steamy afternoon affair with the Braves.

Did someone say “affair”?

I like him.

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11 Responses

  1. Guy’s who look like Tommy have been winning World Series for years in the league. Never seen a trim and fit guy win anything.

  2. PREDICTION: no titles for the next 3-5 years.
    Sorry, I can’t manage the game today, i’ve got to workout.
    ..

    WELCOME FUCKING BACK FUCKING KOTTER!


    FULL FUCKING HOUSE!

  3. Sounds like the Phillies’ Chip Kelly hire. He’ll have some early success but players will tire of his control freak personality and be out of here within three years, but not without first getting Klentak demoted while he becomes GM for a year.

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