Dallas Week: Where’s the Venom?

Photo Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

Maybe I’m totally missing something here, but I’m having a hard time finding the juice for Sunday night’s NFC East showdown between the Eagles and Cowboys.

It feels like everybody around here is just going through the “Dallas sucks” motions. There’s the usual trash talk, the Carson Wentz vs. Dak Prescott debates, and predictions of an Eagles blowout win on social media and sports talk radio. But I don’t sense the same edge, sparked by our intense civic hatred of the Cowboys, to which I’ve grown accustom. Even the players, outside of Lane Johnson’s playful (I hope) threats towards his grandmother, have been pretty quiet:

Usually, Dallas week begins with some light shit-talking, while we take stock of the matchup and get a feel for what we expect to see unfold in the game. By mid-week, the quarter chub of hate begins to grow, along with our confidence, and, as we hit the stretch run of Thursday into Friday, we achieve the full “Fuck Dallas” erection. This week feels different to me. I should be all worked up and ready to go by now, but I find myself a little flaccid, if you will.

“I, I just, I promise it’s always worked in the past. This, like, NEVER happens. I just…it’s ‘off’ this week.”

So what gives? Maybe it’s that Dallas actually, truly, does suck. This isn’t, from a mathematical standpoint, a high stakes game. The New York Times playoff predictor gives the Eagles a 98% percent chance to win the NFC East with a victory, whereas those odds drop to 91% with a loss. The Cowboys enter with a 5-4 record, three full games behind the Eagles. Surely, you know by now they’ll be without their most dynamic offensive weapon in Ezekiel Elliott, who has accounted for 993 total yards and nine touchdowns in eight games. Am I glad he’s out? Hell yes. Do I hate his fucking Lego-looking face? Also, hell yes. The thought of Elliott watching from afar as his team’s season slips away is somewhat gratifying, but probably not as much as it would be if the NFL’s top run defense pummeled him into submission. They are also missing linebacker Sean Lee, a brutal loss given Dallas is winless without him this season and gives up twice as many rush yards per game without him on the field. And they may also be without left tackle Tyron Smith, whose absence a week ago resulted in a historic six-sack day for Falcons defensive end Adrian Clayborn.

Here’s the thing; Dallas needs this game a lot more than the Eagles do, but, somehow, it feels like the Eagles have more at stake. To piss away this game to a team that is prime for slaughter would create, at best, several critical questions, and, at worst, widespread panic. Theoretically, in terms of matchups and talent, the Eagles should fucking annihilate this team on Sunday night, which begs the question—are the Eagles going to fucking annihilate this team on Sunday night?

I’m fully confident in their abilities. They are the real deal and it’s smart money to buy into this squad as the most complete package in the NFC right now, but this game gives me some pause. I’m not so much concerned that the Eagles are 1-6 in games refereed by Bill Vinovich as I am the short Vegas spread. The Eagles are favored anywhere between three to four points on Sunday night. I know it’s a division road game and the Cowboys aren’t exactly a hapless team, but that’s it? Three-and-a-half points? The Eagles haven’t lost a football game in SIXTY DAYS, are coming off the bye, and Dallas could very well be without arguably its three best players. I’m encouraged the line has shifted in the Eagles’ favor as the week has progressed, but I’d feel a bit better if it crept to five.

Once the game kicks off Sunday night, it’ll be the normal mix of insanity, aggressiveness, and hatred in full effect, but right now, I’m a bit apprehensive. I need some venom. I need Dallas to Dallas – Jerry Jones says something inflammatory, a current or former player talks some condescending shit, an Eagles team employee spits on the star at midfield – you know, someone hopefully flicks the, uh, bird a little bit and wakes up so we can achieve the full “Fuck Dallas” mode.


11 Responses

    1. No, but I’ve noticed that Sixers sg JJ Redick’s 3 pt accuracy has disappeared faster than an Ike Reese co-host.

  1. “It feels like everybody around here is just going through the “Dallas sucks” motions.”

    If you need ‘help’ to get into ‘Fuck Dallas’ mode then you aren’t a true fan.

    It is now clear to me that the asswipe CBWANKS is not from philly and knows nothing about it.

  2. That will be missing three of it’s top players. Elliot, Lee, and Smith. Even if the Boys win they will still be scrambling just to get a Wild Card. I wish they were intact and had one less loss. Then it would have been a hell of a game. The truly big game coming up is the Rams. That will be the game which will show if this team is truly the dominant team in the NFC. If our fans can fill the Coliseum it will make a big difference. No home field advantage for Rams with that 1/2 filled stadium. It hasn’t mattered. They just keep winning week after week. I think it will when Goff sees all green in the stands.

  3. I feel like the author needs to go sit on a cushy chair in some dimly lit therapist’s office to sort out some issues. If you EVER want me to ever click on a “WANKS” link again, stop sounding so weak and boring.

  4. I think it has to do with the bye week. If there wasn’t a bye before the Cowboys game you may feel more intensity and vigor

  5. It’s because the Dallas eagles rivalry isn’t the same at all its not even a real rivalry since Dallas holds no I’ll will towards Philly. . It’s a rivalry that started in the 80s and it was awesome because each team had players that stayed around. Different times these days. It’s not a big deal to the players.

  6. Because Spike Eskin is too busy pushing the Sixers down our throats despite the lesser appeal basketball has.

  7. What’s with you guys being obsessed with the spread every week? It tells you how people are betting. Are they good at setting the line? Pretty good but it’s not an exact science. Unless you think it’s fixed….in which case put together a piece on that. That might interesting.

    They usually give 3ish points to the home team so what, Vegas thinks on an even field the Eagles are 6.5 pts better. That’s pretty good. Honestly useless information if you ask me though.

    You bozos sound like a bunch of hacks when you treat a spread like it’s a warm glass of milk that your mommy made to soothe you. Games played on the gridiron you bums

  8. I’m that guy who, when the eagles are an unknown quantity, is always screaming (posting) #SUPERBOWL by kickoff of the first preseason game. People expect to hear (see) my E-A-G-L-E-S… EAGLES!!! #SUPERBOWL posts after any good thing the eagles do. However, as this team becomes more and more obviously a true contender, I’m feeling more and more superstitious about jinxing them.

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