Save the False Bravado on Zeke and Bask In The Cowboys’ Misery

PHOTO CREDIT: KEVIN JAIRAJ-USA TODAY Sports

There are a lot questions concerning Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott away from the field. Does he look like the Mr. Woodchuck puppet from Full House? Yes. Is he a bad guy? Sure seems so. Did he actually commit domestic violence? That part is a bit more unclear– it depends who/what you believe. What we do know with certainty, in light of the news that his suspension was FINALLY upheld thanks to this afternoon’s ruling by the 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals, is the Dallas Cowboys are in the deepest of shit piles.

Midway through his sophomore season, Elliott has left zero doubt that he’s one of the most talented offensive players in all of football. The numbers back up what even the most begrudging of eyes can see. In 23 career games, Elliott has rushed for 105 yards per contest and has reached the end zone 22 times on the ground. He’s added 51 catches for 573 yards and three touchdowns over that same span. His six-game absence down the stretch is a potential death blow to the Cowboys’ postseason chances and is indisputably a BEAUTIFUL thing for the Eagles. There’s a reason Jerry Jones is so mad that he’s allegedly prepared to sue Roger Goodell if his contract is extended after the 2018 season.

I know there’s a sizable faction of Eagles fans out there who want the Cowboys at full strength the remainder of this season—54 percent of those who responded to WIP’s morning show poll earlier today answered that they would rather have Elliott play. Are these people fucking high? You don’t want excuses, qualifiers, or asterisks from Dallas fans? Who cares? Give me ALL of the excuses, the qualifiers and asterisks– I will bathe in each of them with my coconut oil in February if it means that I’m celebrating the Eagles’ first championship since 1960. NFL Films isn’t going to drop a line in the season video yearbook about how they took advantage of Alfred Morris in a Week 11 game to springboard themselves to a title, so I’m all about the path of least resistance here.

According to Football Outsiders, the Eagles have an 88 percent chance of winning the division. I know there’s a thought out there that the Eagles are already in this great spot, so it’s actually better if the suspension is served at the start of next year. That’s a bit presumptuous, no? The Eagles weren’t supposed to be the best team in the NFC. They weren’t supposed to be 8-1 after nine games. They weren’t supposed to be a virtual lock for a playoff spot and in the driver’s seat for home field advantage this soon, but they are, and even if they build a better roster in the coming years, it’s unlikely they will be in this good of a spot in subsequent seasons. Fuck next year. I can’t wait for Atlanta to blow the doors off this disoriented team playing without its brightest star on Sunday afternoon, and I want the Eagles to go down to Dallas the week after and deliver the knockout blow to the Cowboys on national television for all to see– and I want to hear Jerry Jones bitch about how it wasn’t fair. That’s a neat little ancillary benefit to this whole thing. It’s going to be awesome.

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7 Comments

  • VB's finest November 9, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    Agree, bobby wanks!

    Reply
    • actual lawyer and true american patriot November 9, 2017 at 4:03 pm

      Zeke was NEVER charged with a crime! The alleged victim lied to police and on her police report. The NFL suspension was just a silly thing Goodell did to try and save face after his Ray Rice thing. Is Zeke a bad guy? Who the fuck knows!!!!????? I do know that there are a lot of crazy bitches out there, and they act even crazier when they see a payday in front of them.

      Reply
      • This retarded crybaby lawyer called Mikey Miss and bawled o n air too November 9, 2017 at 6:11 pm

        Cry harder you fraudulent cowboy nut hugger. Twenty bucks says you’ve never even stepped foot in Texas and only like the cowboys because you wanted to be “different” than everybody else when you picked “your” team. I hope Zeke catches an STD on his downtime when he’s watching them lose on TV too. All you cowboys fans can suck it long, deep and hard.

        Reply
  • Bdog November 9, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    100% agree. I will take the Cowboys’ demise any way I can get it. Of course, particularly if it benefits the birds.

    Reply
  • Marc Lawrence’s shitty football picks November 9, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    Should have been Zeke and not doc

    Reply
  • Rollin blounts and jays November 9, 2017 at 4:02 pm

    Not gonna lie, I would like to see Eagles D go after Zeke. Either way I just want the win, but yeah, it’s a better watch when both teams have all hands on deck.
    Off topic, but who else doesn’t believe MM is a liberal for one second? He preaches that nonsense for ratings, that’s all. He’s a walking contradiction. MM=DINO

    Reply
  • This opens a bigger door November 9, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    This opens the door for any crazy ex GF or desperate GM to try to hurt a team by getting a star player suspended without official charges. The truth won’t matter, the league will have to suspend a player 6 games over a TMZ story. The ‘Skins are already hiring a hooker to take one for the team in the Wentz hotel room.

    Reply
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