Shipping Update: Devastation

The holiday weekend – Black Friday through Cyber Monday – has decimated our stock, the local post office and, potentially, my marriage. My wife has been fulfilling orders around the clock for four straight days now. Cruel and unusual? Maybe a little. But she’s getting two meals per day and adequate hydration.

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I wanted to provide a shipping update to those who’ve ordered and those who plan on ordering.

The First Joel

They are in-stock! They have also been shipping out since Monday, with at least two carloads going out today. That’s the good news. The bad news is that when our stock showed up on Saturday, part of a full 26-box shipment, the printer, for reasons unknown to sane humans, used the wrong size screen on shirts sizes large and up, which led to the following series of events:

  1. Me, open box and immediately notice that the print size looked like a hand stamp in the middle of a super-soft, warm sweatshirt
  2. Me, crumpling up a piece of paper and throwing it at the wall in disgust
  3. My wife, apoplectic
  4. Me, calling our provider and threatening to break the printer’s legs “I WANT NAMES AND I WANT THEM NOW!”
  5. Our provider, moments later, confirming to me that new blanks would be HAND-DELIVERED to the printer on Monday morning by a courier – which for a brief moment led me to feel like I was in the CIA hunting bin Laden, until I realized his courier was actually tracked down and followed to the compound and killed in a fiery raid – and shipped out Monday afternoon
  6. They showed up yesterday

So, if you had a preorder on The First Joel, which should include orders up to Thanksgiving, you either have gotten yours or will get it over the next few days. We still expect to hit the “week of November 27” delivery date for most of these preorders, with some folks in more remote areas that require 3-day shipping getting them early next week.

New orders will go out within a few days and be delivered by next weekend in time for holiday parties.


Sundays Are For The Birds

This is a hot one. Many of these have already gone out, with many more on the way. Depending on sizes, orders up to early last week have shipped, with the remainder of preorders going out over the next few days.

If you ordered over the holiday weekend, it depends on the size you ordered. With t-shirts, some sizes – mediums and larges – became backordered, with new stock arriving next week and shipping most likely late next week. Other sizes were in stock through most of the weekend and should ship over the next few days. Sweatshirts also depend on sizes. Smalls and extra larges became backordered early in the weekend and many of those will be going out next week. The stock situation was better on other sizes and those should ship within a few days.

New orders for all Birds shirts, with the exception of XXL t-shirts, will ship next week once new stock comes in.


Ugly Christmas Sweatshirt

Stock is better on these, with limited sizes remaining. Most orders prior to last weekend have gone out, with a few orders waiting on Joel or Birds shirts before shipping.



Most t-shirts and hoodies will be going out next week, as noted on the product pages.



When do new orders ship?

Most new orders on in-stock items will ship in about 3-5 days, with delays on specific shirts as outlined in this post.

Is Christmas in jeopardy?

No, not at all. Our rush every year is to get Ugly Christmas Sweatshirts out as early as possible so you share Christmas cheer all month long. Even our most in-demand item right now is expected in by late next week, so there are no worries about Christmas gifts at all. Some less popular shirts will no longer be available as of December 8 because we print them on demand, but those don’t include any of the shirts in this post.

How much is shipping?

We have FREE SHIPPING on all orders this week.

Do you have loading dock privileges? 

You’re goddamn right I do. I’m moving so much commerce through the local post office, that not only do they know me by name and as the guy who has been wearing the same thing three days in a row, but they also ask if I’m getting enough sleep and what I think of the Birds’ chances.

Is you wife going to leave you this Christmas?

Let’s ask her:

I think I’m good.

Why don’t you have someone else do this?

Margins, baby. It’s much more cost effective to handle our own fulfillment. My wife is in charge. And honestly, we can get them out quicker than most third-party fulfillment centers at this volume. But things get a little nuts around the holidays and I have to hand-deliver your Christmas cheer to the post office. They hate me there.

Do people love their shirts?

Of course they do!

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20 Responses

  1. As an online retailer, I can say that shipping is the biggest pain in the fucking ass process of the whole process.

    1. Kyle…do you thing your old lady will wait for you once you goto prison for copyright infringment?
      I mean once your ‘fresh little ass and cute mouth’ have been passed around for 8 hrs
      and you have 3 pints of cuum in your stomach do you think she’ll take you back once she gets over the
      liens placed on your house by these sports teams because you lost the lawsuits?
      Is it worth it?

      1. hey snowflake…fuckoff ok? and if you gotta call yourself big dick, chances are,,,you’re really not that well hung

      2. Hey fuckwad, kyle just wrote and entire article about fletcher cox banging some other guys wife
        so get your shit straight before proclaiming rules of your own as the word of god.

  2. Can’t wait to not get my first joel sweater I ordered 2 weeks ago in time for this weekend when I need it.

  3. Your wife’s Christmas ringtone is such a basic white girl move.

    That’s on top of the basic girl move of quitting her job once she has a kid to “care for it” while the man makes the man. A convenient excuse to not have to do anything. Spoiled white women. Among the many downfalls of society.

    I hope she swallows.

    1. Says the guy who usually comments as “Paul Jolovotz fan club.” Meanwhile, it’s 8pm and she’s fulfilling shirt orders, probably working more hours today than you will all week.

        1. I like the flower and the crooked tie. Clearly you didn’t let your wife choose
          the outfit because your shit choices don’t match.

      1. You can read between the lines and tell, hes a big Trump hater, talks about black oppression, says “white women”

      2. Thanks for that info.
        We’ll be in touch to get you the paperwork on the copyright infringement cases.
        BTW, suggest you get good lawyer for you and your wife.
        The public defenders office is backed up for months.

  4. 9.95…. Kyle the T-shirt Mogul…. just when you thought posts from Kyle couldn’t get worse, a crappy t-shirt business update to drop an obvious hint that “these things are in big demand”…. add in the always bad “video from home segment” and it almost registered a perfect 10…. hopefully this Douche Chill Meter update makes it thru, he’s been blocking most of them

  5. Kyle. do you think your inlaws will hate you even more once their daughter gets sent to prison because you
    have implicated her in criminal behavior and documented it for everyone to see?

  6. I don’t get some of this stuff……..

    Why does she need to wear a bra is she’s working from home?
    And since she is, why doesn’t she goto the extra effort to class it up by hiding
    the straps instead of making it look so lazy white trash?

    And why the &^&^uck are you making her work at a table with a shitty little
    laptop screen. Get a fucking 27 inch monitor at least.
    It makes you seem like a cheap uncaring fuck kyle.

    She’s fucking leaning forward and staring down at way to small screen that requires glasses.

    Is she a slave or your wife man?
    At least give her a decent desk, chair and screen ifs shes going to schill for you man.

    Or is it all about your Kyle?

  7. Kyle.
    No doubt that your wife runs the household while your fuck around with this attempt at a jon.
    And now your making here a slave to that also by making her pack those fucked up shirts?

    Why don’t you get one of your toadies like kinker cbwanker or Tyler to do it?

      1. Not as sweet at that shitty shirt and Tie combination your wearing in that picture.
        I feel like i just puked up a bottle of pepto.

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