Minnesota Sports Talk Radio Is Somehow Much, Much Worse than in Philly

I take back everything I’ve ever said about the state of Philadelphia sports talk radio after listening to two days worth of “content” from the Minnesota sports talk station 1500 ESPN, namely the Judd and Mackey show, a paint by numbers sports talk show with EXTREME HOSTS Phil Mackey and Judd Zulgad.

I almost want to rip Mackey more and leave Zulgad alone, because that poor bastard has probably already gotten so much shit in his life with a name like that I don’t want pile on. I don’t need Judd reading this and showing up to my house with a hunting rifle, shovel and box of lime. Judd Zulgad is an ALL-TIME terrible name. Just say it out loud to yourself…it offends the senses. Judd Zulgad. JUDD Zulgad. Judd ZULGAD. JUDD ZULGAD. It even looks terrible typing it out. Yuck. I’ve never seen a picture of Judd, but with a name like that there is absolutely no way he doesn’t smell like spoiled gravy at all times.

Their show is really something to listen to. Where else can you hear nuggets such as “hey, did you know Philadelphia actually THREW SNOWBALLS at Santa?!” And “Veteran’s Stadium had a jail in it?!” AND AND AND “THEY LIKE TO DRINK ALCOHOL DURING GAMES?!” AND “THEY’RE GOING TO BOO VIKINGS FANS IF THEY WEAR VIKINGS JERSEYS?” Their insight into the mind of a Philadelphia sports fan is truly impressive….I’ve never heard or seen those pearls of wisdom mentioned anywhere before listening to the Mackey & Judd Show.

It’s also at this point I should mention I tweeted them a Coggin story yesterday and they read the entire thing on air (so I guess they’re not all that bad). They understood the joke. Their fans, though, have been sharing it on Facebook for the past two days AS IF IT WERE A REAL GUIDE ON HOW TO SURVIVE AN ATTACK BY AN EAGLES FAN. You hayseed rubes…this city would eat you alive.

However, here’s an example of what you can expect to hear from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. everyday with Phil and the Judd man:

There is no way I’m transcribing the entire 2:20 of verbal diarrhea spewed over their airwaves, but here’s a lovely little snippet for you to chew on:

Mackey: Can I rant for a minute? One thing I’ll say about Minnesota sports fan, we’re pretty self aware. Would you agree? We know where our teams stand, we know its been a bad run lately. We’re not delusional. We don’t thump our chests for titles won 50 years ago. We’re self aware in that we’re pretty embarrassed by the state of Minnesota sports in general in the past 25 years. Is that fair to say?

Zulgad: Hmmhmm…hmmmhmmm…I think it’s definitely fair.

Mackey: Philadelphia fans, on the other hand, if I could create a Ross Perot-like chart of bravado vs. actual success of Philadelphia sports team and compare it to Boston or New York, the gap is pretty embarrassing. The lack of self awareness is pretty embarrassing. Outside of one World Series win by the Phillies 10 years ago, Philadelphia hasn’t been championship relevant in decades, yet they chirp like Patriots fans, like Yankees fans.

It goes on, but you get it. First of all….ROSS PEROT?! Mackman, can I call you Mackman? Great. You couldn’t think of a more TOPICAL or TIMELY reference than Ross Perot? You could have said Trump! Or any other politician within the past two decades and it would have been more topical than Ross Perot. Could you not think of any “gridlock” jokes on the fly? Did I miss you making Dan Quayle potato spelling zingers later on in the show?

But to focus more on the content of his statement…has anybody you’ve ever known thumped their chests and bragged about the NFL Championship the Eagles won in 1960? Am I missing something? Is that a point people think we hold up as football fans? It’s a nice little footprint in franchise history, nothing more.

Jesus Christ, Mackman, we’re quite aware of the embarrassing nature of our sports landscape in Philadelphia. This is Philadelphia. Embarrassment is part of our nature. But, this is also EXACTLY why we’re so jacked up about this team reaching the NFC Championship game. Do you not get that? You’re not getting Philadelphia fans calling into your station and being braggadocious about the Eagles because we’re not self aware about our sports franchises. You’re getting people from Philadelphia calling into your podunk sports talk station and giving you a hard time because we’re acutely aware of the state of our sports in this city. NOBODY THOUGHT WE HAD A CHANCE TO GET HERE. WE’RE ALL FIRED UP.

No Wentz, no Hicks, no Sproles, no Peters. It’s not arrogance. It’s being insanely surprised and PUMPED that for the first time in a long time we actually have a bright future for this franchise.

And sure, Philadelphia may compare itself to New York or Boston on occasion, but we’ll never compare ourselves to Minnesota. What’s there to compare? The weather sucks and you have a few lakes up there. Hell, we have lakes. Lakes are overrated.

Go Eagles.

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8 Comments

  • Jimmy January 21, 2018 at 9:51 am

    Y’all see the bulge on Gargano this morning??? Wow.

    Reply
    • Fritz the cat January 21, 2018 at 9:52 am

      Like a sleeve of tennis balls.

      Reply
  • T Bone January 21, 2018 at 9:55 am

    Didn’t Gargano bang that chick from the Mighty Macs?

    Reply
  • DSD January 21, 2018 at 9:57 am

    It’s really hard to get mad at folks from Minnesota. For the most part, they are very nice and polite. Think this qualifies for that entire region up there, like Wisconsin and the Dakotas. I think that carries over to their sport fandom. They have a very laid-back attitude when it comes to that. They’ll cheer them on and all, but they don’t wallow in self-misery after they lose a big game. They’re happy and proud they got as far as they did. And when they try to talk shit, it’s actually kinda comical. Seriously, they have such a hard time saying something mean. I heard a few Minnesota fans call into one of the radio shows this week and you could tell he was trying to sound imposing, but his diatribe was sprinkled with praise for the Eagles. If the Vikings lose tonight, Minnesota fans will be over it by Tuesday. They won’t be mad at the Vikings. They won’t be mad at the Eagles. They’ll just move on. These radio shows out there must get so boring because they don’t have anything to get upset about. So they have to spice things up and try to spew vitriol (or what classifies as vitriol to people from Minnesota). And one more thing…Minnesota fans coming to Philly today will be like fish out of water. I almost feel bad telling Eagles’ fans to go after them, but it would be really easy….Like stealing a 10 year old’s lollipop.

    Reply
  • Didn’t one of you morons.... January 21, 2018 at 10:16 am

    Write the exact same story with the same audio included? Jesus Christ.

    Reply
  • I just don't care about pro sports anymore except for the next two NFL games and the Flyers playoff push and maybe the Phillies this year for the women January 21, 2018 at 10:21 am

    Oh look at the AM channel, How quaint

    Reply
  • hilarious and original January 21, 2018 at 11:48 am

    .

    Reply
  • Bill Brown January 21, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    I admit as a lifelong Vikings that those two guys are two of the dumbest people in the sports talk radio industry.

    Reply
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