Jason Kelce was not dressed like a mummer when he spoke to the Phillies today:

But the Eagles’ center did stop by spring training this morning to address the team. I’m sure faces were melted. While there’s no audio for us to sample of Kelce’s wisdom, I would be both stunned and disappointed if it didn’t go something like this:

“Odubel Herrera can’t think.

Maikel Franco can’t lay off the slider.

Rhys Hoskins had one good month.

JP Crawford can’t hit for power.

Aaron Nola can’t stay healthy.

Aaron Altherr can’t stay healthy.

Vince Velasquez ain’t a starter.

Nick Williams has attitude issues.

Pat Neshak is 50-years-old.

Tommy Joseph is only 26, but looks like he’s 50-years-old.

Tommy Hunter was overpaid.

Cameron Rupp can’t catch.

Nick Pivetta, Jerad Eickhoff, Mark Leiter, Zach Eflin, and Jake Thompson—none of them got it.

Gabe Kapler is a fucking weirdo.

Matt Klentak does nothing.


Kelce signed autographs for fans, met with some Union players (who are training down the street), and spoke with Phils’ media afterward:

In all seriousness, I find the lengths the Phillies have gone to incorporate the Eagles’ success into the initial stages of their camp interesting. Gabe Kapler talked to reporters last week about emulating their mentality, the team heard messages from Doug Pederson and Carson Wentz last night, and then had Kelce this morning. It’s fun to watch the Phillies tip their caps to the Super Bowl champs, and I’m sure there are lessons that can be learned from the Eagles, but, ultimately, the team’s success will hinge upon the players’ ability to meaningful jumps and execute in key situations.