I’m all about the NFL Combine. Nothing gets me going like watching offensive linemen run the three-cone drill while Mike Mayock gushes over “pad height” and a “quick get off.”
Sarcasm aside, I actually… sort of enjoy the combine?
It’s obviously a lot more interesting to watch quarterbacks and receivers run simple exercises versus the shuffling of tackles and guards. Yet I can’t help but laugh when we run the gauntlet of cliches that was created as a by-product of the 24/7 NFL news cycle, a dire need for fresh terminology to avoid repetition. That gets carried over to the draft, where Mel Kiper, Jr. and Todd McShay have to sit on a desk for hours at a time and think of things to say.
Here are some of my favorites in no particular order:
When you’re a bad team with a lot of holes to fill, you draft one of these guys.
When you’re the Cleveland Browns
Probably what the Bears did with Mitch Trubisky.
He probably punched a woman.
He probably smoked a joint.
He did one of the two things above.
“Well, ya know Rich Eisen, Mike Mamula has a great set of hands. But he’s gonna need much more than that if he wants to be successful in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.” – Mike Mayock
He tries harder than others.
He doesn’t have a position.
A media favorite who provides good quotes.
Probably a white guy with athletic limitations but a passion for the game.
Think Owen Schmitt.
He’ll be drafted way too high and let go 2-3 years into his rookie deal (Marcus Smith).
He has ideal height and weight and looks good on paper, but we have no idea whether or not he can play football.
Jeff Fisher will run him east/west.
Probably a caucasian center or guard.
This means he kind of sucks now, but he’s got a lot of raw talent.
Something high school coaches say to get their defensive players hyped up.
This means the preferred target was off the board.
What Andy Reid always wanted from his defensive ends.
Didn’t run a great 40-yard dash, but speedy enough for the NFL.
You didn’t dream of playing for the Jets.
What Saquon Barkley is doing at this combine.
Throw him right into the starting lineup.
Throwing a ton of picks at some team to get a quarterback.
He’s LeGarrette Blount.
Well he’s an NFL prospect, so I hope so.
He’s been injured.
Me at Planet Fitness.
He’s soft and hates contact.
Basically the opposite of Asante Samuel
He didn’t bench 225 pounds 20 times, but he can play the game.
Sort of like a “football guy.” Like a no-nonsense middle linebacker. Paul Posluszny.
A lineman with a big ole’ rear end.
What Doug Pederson will do with Nate Sudfeld, or “Sudfield” if you’re a casual fan who still doesn’t know how to pronounce his name.
He’s played a lot.
Perfect for Philly, as long as it’s not Danny Watkins.
An offensive lineman who doesn’t move well, but plays good ball in tight spaces.
Another way of saying that you just heard of a player today. You literally just watched his Youtube highlights for the first time.
A lineman who looks like he can’t do anything, but he actually can.
Probably not good enough to start.
A wide receiver or skill guy who does well when no one is around him.
A nice way of saying that he probably wasn’t good enough to be drafted higher. The “value” is because he dropped.
He’s Carson Wentz.
Or Nick Foles.