Gabe Kapler Showed up to the Reading Fightins Game in the Most Cocksure Hat Possible Last Night

Gabe Kapler is riding high.

After a four-game winning streak, the boos that washed over Kapler during his first week as manager have subsided, freeing the skipper to thrive in his natural state: haberdashery.

Kapler challenged convention again last night by visiting a Reading Fightins game live and in-person, wearing  the most fuck-off hat these eyes have ever seen:

Holy shit he’s the modern-day Ira Lowenstein from A League of Their Own*:

Say, where’s Mr. Wrigley?

Kapler is so comfortable is his tightly-formed skin that it almost makes me feel insignificant. I think twice about what I’m wearing before I take the trash out, worrying about my gait and the manner with which I shut the lid of the oversized can. Meanwhile, Kapler shows up to an all-eyes-on venue dressed like Jason Bourne fucked a Mossad agent. He could kill you… or just tell you the chances of success when swinging at an outside curveball on a 1-2 count, and then guide you through the finer points of stroking your egg-ham under the warm summer sun. Fascinating.

Anyway, the players were thrilled (gripped by fear?) to see him. From The Reading Eagle:

The players, of course, were caught by surprise when Kapler strolled through for a pregame meet-and-greet.

“That was an incredible gesture,” said Legg. “He made them all feel special. The boys really dug it. It was a great moment.”

The Fightins carried that feeling onto the field, stroking three homers in an 8-4 Eastern League win over Akron.

No doubt there was a special feel to game No. 18 out of a scheduled 140.

“Obviously, it sparks you a little bit,” said Fightins center fielder Zach Coppola, who opened the game with a double, and later smashed full speed into the outfield fence chasing a fly ball. “It makes you want to play well.”

Indeed, there was a special energy on the field.

Shortstop Malquin Canelo chased down ground balls like he was the “Wizard of Oz.” He even smacked a homer his first time up.

Zach Green and Deivi Grullon also homered, Grullon’s blast landing 447 feet away in left-center.

“I’m sure it gave us a little bit of a lift,” said Reading third baseman Damek Tomscha. “You don’t want to go out there and not perform well, so you had a little extra reason to do well.”

That, and also because a quick glance from Kapler could have you swiftly removed from this Earth by a team of plain-clothed assassins who watched just the right amount of mob movies when they were young. Be bold.

*David Strathairn is excellent in Billions as Black Jack Foley. His drawl is perfect. He does old-timey elitist better than anyone. I want to rent him out for outdoor gatherings and have him just comment on my cocktails.


10 Responses

  1. This is the same had Rocky wore in Rocky Balboa and Creed. If you were from Philly, Kinker, and not some backwoods Bucks County enclave, you’d know that.

  2. I still can’t beleive someone as smart as Kyle Scott Lazkowski would buy
    cookie cutter Tool Brothers house put up in a ‘neighborhood’ built in the middle of
    a fucking corn field. No fn trees, no shade…..schlop.
    I really hope you move to a more palatial estate Kyle.
    You don’t want to raise your 4 kids in a fn cornfield house.

  3. Your writing style screams trying too hard. I know you like to do your best Bill Simmons impression but that only worked for him and your attempt to mimic it is brutal. Stick to boxing up T shirts, your posts have worn thin.

Comments are closed.