Gabe Kapler Showed up to the Reading Fightins Game in the Most Cocksure Hat Possible Last Night

Gabe Kapler is riding high.

After a four-game winning streak, the boos that washed over Kapler during his first week as manager have subsided, freeing the skipper to thrive in his natural state: haberdashery.

Kapler challenged convention again last night by visiting a Reading Fightins game live and in-person, wearing  the most fuck-off hat these eyes have ever seen:

Holy shit he’s the modern-day Ira Lowenstein from A League of Their Own*:

Say, where’s Mr. Wrigley?

Kapler is so comfortable is his tightly-formed skin that it almost makes me feel insignificant. I think twice about what I’m wearing before I take the trash out, worrying about my gait and the manner with which I shut the lid of the oversized can. Meanwhile, Kapler shows up to an all-eyes-on venue dressed like Jason Bourne fucked a Mossad agent. He could kill you… or just tell you the chances of success when swinging at an outside curveball on a 1-2 count, and then guide you through the finer points of stroking your egg-ham under the warm summer sun. Fascinating.

Anyway, the players were thrilled (gripped by fear?) to see him. From The Reading Eagle:

The players, of course, were caught by surprise when Kapler strolled through for a pregame meet-and-greet.

“That was an incredible gesture,” said Legg. “He made them all feel special. The boys really dug it. It was a great moment.”

The Fightins carried that feeling onto the field, stroking three homers in an 8-4 Eastern League win over Akron.

No doubt there was a special feel to game No. 18 out of a scheduled 140.

“Obviously, it sparks you a little bit,” said Fightins center fielder Zach Coppola, who opened the game with a double, and later smashed full speed into the outfield fence chasing a fly ball. “It makes you want to play well.”

Indeed, there was a special energy on the field.

Shortstop Malquin Canelo chased down ground balls like he was the “Wizard of Oz.” He even smacked a homer his first time up.

Zach Green and Deivi Grullon also homered, Grullon’s blast landing 447 feet away in left-center.

“I’m sure it gave us a little bit of a lift,” said Reading third baseman Damek Tomscha. “You don’t want to go out there and not perform well, so you had a little extra reason to do well.”

That, and also because a quick glance from Kapler could have you swiftly removed from this Earth by a team of plain-clothed assassins who watched just the right amount of mob movies when they were young. Be bold.

*David Strathairn is excellent in Billions as Black Jack Foley. His drawl is perfect. He does old-timey elitist better than anyone. I want to rent him out for outdoor gatherings and have him just comment on my cocktails.

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10 Comments

  • Howard Ashley April 24, 2018 at 10:46 am

    Im So Sexy

    Reply
  • Big fan of Shirley April 24, 2018 at 11:03 am

    Phils organization has not seen a tan like gabe’s Since Dutch Daulton .

    Reply
  • Cuz 4 for 4 April 24, 2018 at 11:05 am

    This is the same had Rocky wore in Rocky Balboa and Creed. If you were from Philly, Kinker, and not some backwoods Bucks County enclave, you’d know that.

    Reply
  • SPQR13 April 24, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Ira’s boss in A League of Their Own was Mr. Harvey, not Mr. Wrigley.

    Reply
  • Jared Goff April 24, 2018 at 11:54 am

    I still can’t beleive someone as smart as Kyle Scott Lazkowski would buy
    cookie cutter Tool Brothers house put up in a ‘neighborhood’ built in the middle of
    a fucking corn field. No fn trees, no shade…..schlop.
    I really hope you move to a more palatial estate Kyle.
    You don’t want to raise your 4 kids in a fn cornfield house.

    Reply
    • O/u on this posts survival time April 24, 2018 at 12:23 pm

      1 hr.

      Reply
  • Pauly D April 24, 2018 at 12:20 pm

    Gabe’s process is strong!

    Reply
  • No thanks April 24, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    Your writing style screams trying too hard. I know you like to do your best Bill Simmons impression but that only worked for him and your attempt to mimic it is brutal. Stick to boxing up T shirts, your posts have worn thin.

    Reply
    • Sal Palbolognia April 24, 2018 at 4:58 pm

      I Agree

      Reply
  • Scott A April 25, 2018 at 10:20 am

    What is an “egg-ham” and why would it require stroking?

    Reply
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