The Worst of Philadelphia: We Have a Winner

What would you rather throw away – your time or your money?

Neither, ideally, but we had to pick one for the sake of the exercise.

After three grueling weeks, we arrived at the national championship of our “Worst of Philadelphia” bracket, a battle for the ages between the insidious and diabolical city wage tax and the abhorrent and detestable Schuylkill Expressway. God help anybody who has to deal with both of those things in the same pay period.

But first, let’s have a look at the how the final four played out, a pair of matchups involving an upstart three seed, sports radio callers, and the entity that knocked off the Philadelphia Parking Authority, which was Comcast.

Our cable and internet overlords pushed the city wage tax to the limit, but ultimately fell under a barrage of late three pointers and suffocating perimeter defense:

On the other side, it wasn’t even close.

It was like Loyola Chicago finally running into a decent team, as the Expressway took out Ingy and Levi and Joe Schmoe from South Philly by a 69 to 31% spread:

Turns out people really hate sitting on 76, because the Sure-kill Expressway went on to win the whole damn thing:

There ya have it. The people have spoken. The Schuylkill is the worst thing in Philadelphia, worse than the wage tax, worse than SEPTA, worse than the parking authority, and worse than the Aramingo Avenue Wawa, which just reopened a week ago. I don’t know why it was closed, something about lead contamination in the soil I think.

I have a feeling that the Soda Tax would have made it to the final four in this bracket, but as I mentioned at the start of the competition, I did not include items that made it into Brian Haddad’s “Piece of Garbage Madness.” Out of respect to Sludge, I came up with 16 different competitors, though they were all pretty crappy.

Here’s how the final bracket looks:

Thanks for participating. Maybe next year we expand this bad boy to 64, or 68 with a couple of play-in games. I think I can find 68 shitty things in Philly.

Of course, if the city was really that bad, we wouldn’t be living here, would we? There are worse things out there. You could be a Dallas Cowboys fan.

 

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16 Responses

  1. SHOCKED YOU DIDN’T WIN A PULITZER WITH THIS GEM. MOM AND DAD MUST BE PROUD. BOYERTOWN’S OWN.

  2. Please stop calling it the sure kill expressway. Nobody fucking calls it that unless you’re not from Phila, Chester, Delaware, Bucks or Montgomery counties.

  3. How about someone greenlighting two podcasts about a sport no one cares about in Philadelphia? That easily deserves to be in next years field.

  4. How about a breakdown of the Mike Miss show on CSN?

    You can do a store on Tyrone’s naps and Natalie’s delco accent.

    1. How’s the old man’s hair dye holdin’ up ? What shade is he rockin’ nowadays ?

      1. Now when I hear a Philadelphia-area accent it reminds me of Tina Fey’s impression of Philadelphia-area accents.
        “I wuz drivin’ heome from downa shore and stopped at WaWa for some wooder…”

  5. Sports radio needs to ban that ron in the Lehigh Valley loser with the bad jokes .

    1. Jimmy, with that phony mobbed up accent who calls the midday show and Mike on a regular basis. The guy obviously doesn’t have a job. He yells at clouds all day between phone calls.

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