While it is unfortunately true that the Phillies have lost six full games in the standings to Atlanta since July 27 and now trail the Braves by 3.5 games after last night’s comedy of errors, fear not, Phillies fans – Jose Bautista is coming to save the day:

Let us rejoice. This is the move the Phillies needed to make. Total game-changer. Adding Bautista not only helps to repair Major League Baseball’s worst defense and a rotation that is suddenly springing leaks when Aaron Nola isn’t on the mound, but it should also help a bullpen that has failed to protect several late-inning leads in recent weeks. Move over Max Scherzer and Aaron Nola – Jose Bautista is coming to town. Should be pure electricity.

Anytime you can go out add and add a .196 hitter, I mean, you’ve gotta do it, you know?

I hate this team right now. They have broken me.

*Deep breaths*

If you really want to know what I think about the deal, I mean, it’s whatever. I can’t imagine a scenario in which Bautista gets at-bats with any regular frequency. He is a .196 hitter who is clearly in the final stages of his career. And, no, he’s not a guy like Justin Bour who at least has interesting platoon splits. Bautista is hitting .206 against right-handed pitchers this year and .173 against lefties. Maybe he comes up late in a game and pops a homer. Maybe. That’s the upside. And he won’t cost much.

The Phillies reportedly will send cash or a player to be named later to the Mets, so his addition will not come at the expense of any meaningful player.