Hey there, friend. I wanted to hop on here real quick with what I think are some sound words of advice:

Beer. Lots of beer. Preferably something with 6-10% ABV.

Want to survive the inevitable stress and rage that are each surely to be ignited as you watch the Phillies play meaningful September baseball? This is my recommendation, but be sure to stay away from anything stronger, unless you aspire to be fully hammered by the time Gabe Kapler calls for Adam Morgan out of the bullpen in the fourth inning in any one of, I don’t know, like, six games this month.

On second thought…

Just know that I’m here for you. We haven’t watched consequential late-season Phillies games for quite some time, and tense moments will be plentiful, so I checked out Google for some other anxiety coping mechanisms:

Laugh? Reduce caffeine intake? Not for me. Misery and coffee are key elements of my daily routine, though burning some Roman chamomile and Frankincense seems like it would be delightful.

Whatever you ultimately go with—-yoga, meditation, 30mg of Paxil 30 minutes prior to first pitch–just make sure it’s effective because the Phillies are going to drive you mad.

Their bullpen is erratic, they don’t hit for prolonged stretches, their defense is just brutal, and the starters, Aaron Nola aside, have regressed lately.

They finished August below .500 with a 13-14 record despite an often favorable schedule. They won exactly one series during a month that included no less than six excruciating losses, and yet, the Phillies will still somehow enter the season’s final month only two games out of first-place thanks to a Braves loss tonight, and, of course, this:

Serenity now.