I don’t really get the existence of G Cobb. Decent guy– met him a few times doing Great Sports Debate. But he is like the archetype of the former-player-turned-local-TV-guy-pseudo-celeb-failed-congressional-candidate. You know, the type of guy who exists in our mediasphere because he wears SUITS and has a mustache that looks like it can (and has) tickled nether areas with an aplomb that would make sex-toy-shop feathers blush. Girl, how did he get in there?!?!?!
He also fucks. Which is something he explained on FOX Good Day yesterday after saying that the Eagles should, most certainly, not do that prior to games:
That’s what we in the sports business call a “Bold Strategy” pic.twitter.com/X2BIYPJbGJ
— FOX 29 (@FOX29philly) October 8, 2018
You know what, I’d like to note that Carson Wentz – Jesus guy – got married this offseason and quite possibly had played his entire career up to this point with the pent up rage of an adolescent male after watching six straight hours of Wild On with Brooke Burke. Reasonable chance he’s playing under entirely different pretenses right now and, honestly, I’ve spent every single day since the Eagles drafted him wondering about his level of sexual activity. When he joked about “working out” on his honeymoon at the first day of training camp, there was more than just a hint Cheshire mischievousness in his answer. He had seen the world, in all of its shining, shimmering spl-en-dor.
Anyway, Carson aside, I’m pretty sure Long, Cox and Johnson have always been highly sexually active and that Jason Peters gets treatment in a steam room with biblical throngs of PT aides in various states of undress. So I don’t think G Cobb’s theory holds up in the least and is so patently ridiculous that I’m not sure I need a take here other than to point out that, I think, he’s starting the process of unmooring his sails in this screenshot:
Step away, Alex. For real, step away.
Anyway, this isn’t even entertainment. It’s parody. Cobb is a familiar figure in TV sports, the sort of guy who believes the firmness of his suit’s shoulder pads are indicative of the level of access he’s granted, and yet the best take he can offer is so ridiculous that it borders on uncomfortable. You know it’s bad when MIKE JERRICK looks like the mature one on the set. Somewhere in the background, a shirtless Steve Keeley crawls forward– did someone say “sex”?
You bet they did.