I have some bad news for those of you anticipating the newly retired Chase Utley would one day soon come back to work in the city where he spent the first 13 seasons of his career. In fact, you may want to grab a beer and take a seat.

It’s not happening–at least not any time soon:

The disloyalty! The treachery! The duplicity!

Come to think of it, I guess Utley isn’t the first person to betray while in Vegas, but it remains a bitter pill to swallow for those awaiting his triumphant return to usher in the next great era of Phillies baseball.

In all seriousness, Utley has made it clear that he retired in order to spend more time with his family on the west coast, so the Dodgers seemed like the obvious destination for his immediate post-player employment. I don’t really see any problem with it, but…

I don’t know what Jim Thome is doing with the White Sox, but maybe Chase can throw us a bone and back his employer off Harper. Then maybe we can call things even.