Matt Klentak and John Middleton returned from Las Vegas tonight after their much anticipated meeting with prized free agent Bryce Harper, and I have to be honest, I have no idea what to make of their comments upon arriving home:

“I think it was really positive,” said Middleton before Klentak timidly chimed in with a “I do, too.” Frankly, it made me feel kind of weird. Can’t even explain why. Watch the first four seconds of that video a few times and tell me that you don’t feel the same way.

Anyway, I was hoping that Middleton would walk off the plane with a cigar in his mouth, yelling, “We got him, bitches!” while maybe gyrating his hips with a spirited and gleeful thrust.

I guess that outcome was probably never in the cards. Instead, we heard from Middleton about Harper’s “wonderful wife,” the man he is, and what he would be like in the dugout, clubhouse, and community. I’m sure that was all great, but here’s a quick reminder of how he would be on the field:

Klentak added, “Now we’ll see where it takes us.”


Not exactly what I was looking for, but I guess that’s better than the duo getting off the plane and saying, “Wow, the guy is a complete nozzle. Totally not happening.” Still, the merciful resolution to the Machado/Harper madness those following this prolonged chase were hoping for this weekend doesn’t appear imminent, and, thus, I continue to hover near the hot stove, checking for periodic updates while I also simultaneously consider placing my face firmly upon its burners.