Ahhh it’s a New Year in Philadelphia. The sky is brighter. The people are friendlier. The puke stench from New Year’s Eve is finally dissipating from the 8th and Market PATCO stop, but the urine funk is still holding strong. It’s 2019. It’s a new year with new horizons and new opportunities to better ourselves and our city.
This is the year, Philadelphia. Can you feel it? This is the year we pull ourselves up from this stink hole and really make a difference. I’m not saying this city isn’t already great, or its denizens pitch perfect, but we can all stand to improve and better our lives for the benefit of us and the loved ones we hold so dear.
Even the best of us can improve. Take the venerable John Middleton, for instance. Maybe this year he can resolve to stop saying stupid shit before the opening of free agency that gets everyone’s hopes up for the signing of Bryce Harper and Manny Machado, while it becomes increasingly obvious that neither of them want to play here. Maybe don’t show your hand before the chips are pushed into the pot, John? And hell, maybe have the doors ready and open to Citizens Bank Park when your #1 target actually deems you worthy of a visit and not leave him and his pissed off wife outside in the cold to be accosted by South Philly electricians, right? What do I know, I’m just spit balling here.
Or hey, even Carson Wentz should have a resolution. He has room for improvement, right? Maybe in 2019 he can resolve to stop getting hurt and force us into this never ending quagmire of a discussion on whether he or Nick Foles is the future of the Eagles franchise. I’ve fucking had it. Carson, either get healthy and take this city by the balls or stay hurt and let Foles and his massive genitalia lead us to the promised land. Mother of God.
But it’s time to look at ourselves in this city, starting first at this site. What can we do better, as people and as fans? What are our resolutions for a better 2019 at Crossing Broad?
Now, I know what you’re all thinking – “Coggin, we love you. You’re hilarious, you’re witty, you’re undoubtedly the most handsome individual at Crossing Broad and we wouldn’t ask you to change a god damn thing. Why fix what is assuredly not broken? You’re the best, and Kyle should really consider stepping down and letting you take over the day-to-day operations.”
Thank you. I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment, but we can all be better people, even the very few of us that are so clearly better than the rest of you swine.
For me, I have two resolutions in 2019. The first is I will try to better appreciate Ben Simmons and his unique talents. I’ve caught myself becoming audibly frustrated at Simmons this season and it just needs to stop. Why? Because after watching the likes of Tony Wroten, Isaiah Canaan, JaKarr Sampson, Hollis Thompson, Henry Sims, Furkan Aldemir, et al bumblefuck their way through 82 games a year, criticizing one of the most transcendent athletes to play in Philadelphia just seems silly.
I once proclaimed giant turd Andrew Bynum as the savior of this moribund franchise. Am I really going to get mad that a once-in-a-lifetime talent like Simmons refuses to take a jump shot? Even if he is the team’s point guard, is 7-feet tall, and one of the MOST ATHLETIC PLAYERS IN THE NBA WHO YET SOMEHOW CAN’T MAKE A CONSISTENT 15-FOOT SHOT OR TAKE HIS GAME TO AN ELITE LEVEL.
Jesus. Stop it Coggin, you’re doing it again. No more of that in 2019.
Oh yeah, and no more Flyers in 2019. No jokes there. I’ve just had it with them. The Broad Street Bullies stunk and this franchise needs to go sit in a cornfield until it gets its shit together. Enough of them.
As for the rest of Crossing Broad? Their resolutions were much more in-depth and serious than the drivel I spouted out.
JoyOnBroad – My Philly Sports New Year’s Resolution is to support the team at this site – a truly great group of people – and continue to make Crossing Broad a great place to take in Philly sports content via the written word and podcasts. I want to keep learning the ins and outs of writing about the Flyers from a vantage point that so few people get to experience. My real goal – perhaps the one I’m the most focused on – is to get Crossing Broadcast back on track AND continue building on the really solid numbers the other shows on the Crossing Broad Podcast Network have done over the last eight or so months in particular. The work that Anthony, Kevin, Bob, and Phil have done to grow their respective audiences is a testament to their hard work. Final one: to continue giving grief to investor Jeff for not having the guts to Tweet out his hot takes.
Chris Jastrzembski – My sports resolution is to try and wait before firing off instant opinions (which sometimes always change towards the opposite side). I hated Gritty when he first came, but now he’s a national treasure. Will I try? Yes. Will it happen? More than likely no.
Kevin Kinkead – My New Year’s sports resolution is to spend less time on Twitter, which has turned into an exhausting rat race of hot takes, political posturing, trolling, and general myopia. I’m really appreciative of our followers and I’ll always try to engage in conversation with the people who read our stories and support the site (and my previous work), but there are too many times when Philly sports Twitter becomes borderline insufferable and I need to log off and go outside to water the flowers or walk the dog or do something basic and rudimentary to regain my sanity.
Philip Keidel – My resolution is not to think any more about Ben Simmons and his inability to make a shot outside 8 feet… midrange jumpers are the worst shots in basketball and I don’t need a 6’10” guy with a handle jacking up threes…let’s be happy with his game as it is…but he has to make more free throws, I’m still going to complain about that.
Jeff Wuhl – I guess my resolution is not getting infuriated and tweeting DURING Sixers games. Only between games.
BWanksCB – I don’t have any resolutions. I possess zero willpower. I’ll try to reduce the frequency that I angry tweet Phillies games, but, ultimately, nothing will change. And neither will my diet.
There you have it. How will you improve yourselves, dear readers? I look forward to reading your resolutions in the comments sections and the 900 comments telling me that my resolution should have been to stop writing altogether or to kill myself.
Here’s to 2019.